My Spiritual Refuge

2008-12-19T16:54:00.002Z

35 pounds lighter, and 60 to go..:) I am doing well. 2008 is almost over. I have really enjoyed this last half of the year. I went on vacation, I resolved things with my husband and we argue much better. We have grown and learned much. I've started art again and i'm going to go back to school in 2009-2010. I've decided that. Until then I'm trying to make money with my art. I'm giving it from 3-6 months. If that doesnt work then I'll go get a regular job to save up for university.

Right now I'm heading out to a date with my husband to see twilight. I love that book series, although i havent read all 4 just the first 3.

My artwork has really grown over the last year or so, its going new leaps and bounds, and the way i see things and percieve things are getting a lot better.

I know I can do this. I am full of confidence in myself and abilities to be a better person and to make my dreams reality.

New Life style

2008-09-03T09:08:00.000+01:00

I've decided to start exercising and eating right. I am tracking my progress in many different ways, for now I'm not using this site regularly to log things. I am keeping up with my personal real life journal.

Sorry all :)

I just prefer to make my journal my own again, and not share with the whole world. I will probably share again when I at my weight loss goal in a year from now.

Or if I feel inspired to write about my kidsa nd family situation.

Thanks all for reading, but I got too many other commitments than blogging at the moment :)

Getting back into things :)

2008-07-16T10:03:00.002+01:00

I've neglected some of my favorite hobbies lately as life has kept me really busy. But i'm realizing I need to jump back into the swing of writing as I love it so much.

I'm making a point to post pictures and write here more often.

Last night I had a dream about eating this most heavenly piece of food. It was plain by normal standards, in that it had home baked bread and meat with it. But that was enough it was warm and the bread was light and fluffy. It woke me straight out of bed and into the kitchen I went to replicate that dream.

I made this gorgeous homemade american style biscuits. They were warm and light and fluffy and perfect when done, and then I made standard sausage gravy to go with it (another american favorite) only I took the old recipe and added a few tweaks.

I added fresh tyme and parsley, as well as fresh green pepper, garlic and half an onion all diced in the gravey. It was heavenly, and I think even better than the dream itself.

It reminded me of making them with my grandma as a kid, and later as she was with me during the birth of my first child. How lovely family memories are.

2008: A Healthy Estate.

2008-03-18T11:11:00.004Z

My goal for 2008 started off a simple trial. Take a walk outside everyday.

This then escalated into: "Become healthy" which escalated into having a personal trainer and going to the gym 3 times a week.

I'm really proud of the newest addition to the family, but i'm ready to have my body back now. And yes it is possible. I Know it is because I am living that life now.
It's hard work, but it's not nearly as hard as I made it out to be in my head. The hardest part is looking at my overweight body in the mirror at the gym, with all it's imperfections, and feeling like i am not as good as anyone else. But i also realize that this train of thought is counterproductive, and am striving to visualize myself fit. And as england would say "Become a Yummy Mummy". I'm thinking positive and working my ass off. And even if I cant see the resultes yet, I feel them. My mood swings are less, my cravings are less, and I'm over all more healthy.

I have also signed back up for Weight Watchers online in order to track my own progress and how much I eat. since I realize I need help right now to work out the appropriate amount of food for myself day to day. I'm just not good enough yet at recognizing when I am hungry or not. I'm also not taking into account my activity levels which are much more than they used be a few weeks ago.

So yes, I'm a bit obsessed with health, but between last years health fiasco and the growing problems genetically found in my family (mother's side) for cancer and other illnesses, Health has taken a priority in the the top 3 on my list.

So here I am trying to balance my normal sedentary loves, like writing, in with my busy schedule which now includes working full time, kids, husband, and church ect.
It's is crazy to juggle it all!

Life is good however, and plans to move back to the U.S. are full steam ahead. We're waiting on Rose's passport(s) to come in the mail and then alex can go down to london to apply for his visa. Life is really good :)

Keeping Up Appearances

2007-12-23T20:46:00.000Z

Today, and the past two weeks I have been like a rodent in a cage. I have my food bowl (my kitchen), my warm nesting place (my bed), and even a rodent wheel (my exercise bike), but yet I feel trapped. I hate being set back, even in the most rewarding of times. When the novelty of a new child wears off, much like that of a pet, you still give it attention and love, and yet you do what is nessecary and not going the extra mile.

It's been excruciatingly painful for me not to have the support of my maternal family, and extended family in this precious time of my life. And like all things caged, I am unable to do anything about my situation. I cannot make my body heal faster, I cannot expect to lose the pregnancy weight immediatly. I cannot make my body and mind stop wishing it were still pregnant. And worse, I can't stop the cloud that hangs over this guilded cage leaving me without joy or satisfaction in my self and in my newborn child.

So I pretend to be happy in front of other people, but my husband, and myself know what lurks behind the smiles. A restless, listless rodent, spinning the wheels in her head, going around teh same set of events and wondering how I trapped myself here, and how to make myself happier. Would I change it if I could?: Always the same answer- No. But why then am I so unhappy? My only answer. Hormones, lack of contact with the sunshine and outside world, and a body which is foriegn, strange, and not mine anymore.

I am not only trapped in my own home, but I am trapped in myself, with doubts I'll ever resurface to find me. Thank God I have an anchor that brings me back to myself, a constant sunshine, my wonderful husband. But I must admit, even that only allievates the pain, it doesn't solve it.

I have a lot of soul searching to do, and I must be patient with myself and my current situation. I think it's time to get back into art, and release these negative hormonal emotions, so I don't keep them inside anymore. I love being a mother and a wife. But who am I anymore?

The first week

2007-12-08T02:14:00.000Z

I can't believe my daughter is one week old. This week has been a bit crazy. We've all been sick, including Natasha. (excluding Rose thankfully) and I've been breastfeeding while being sick. Amazingly I am still going strong. Thanks to Lanolin, which is a lifesaver. It's basically a cream specifically for breastfeeding mums and let me tell you it works wonders.

Alex is still sick, he's worried he has bronchitis so we're seeing a doctor later today. I myself have been up too long and need sleep. But breastfeeding makes me a bit wired physically so I need to wear myself down before exhaustion lets me sleep.

Also my brain is going in circles because of a recent proposal my mother made for our family to come back to the U.S.A.
Anyways, we're very seriously considering it. With that tantalizing tidbit I will leave the details for a later date. As well as more pictures. Life is so much more amusing than anything anyone could make up. I love it.

Pictures Galore

2007-12-06T14:13:00.001Z

More pictures from today, just hanging out around the house at lunch time. :)

The Real Deal

2007-12-05T10:09:00.000Z

On Friday the 30th of November, I last posted in my blog about the successful Cephalic Version. Unfortunatly my waters did not break in the hospital, but I was lucky in that I did still start labor that evening.

It started with a rainy night, Christmas Lights, a family outing. Alex and I had decided to treat ourselves to movies since christmas will be rather slim this year and besides we were looking forward to the best christmas present ever: Rosemarie.

The day had been pleasant as I traveled home, and I was in high spirits. I had decided for myself to try everything in my power to get contractions started as I knew this would be the oppertune moment. The baby was head down, I was already off my blood thinner medication from that morning and I was past the 37 week marker. Hence the bus travel home, as i ws on the bus I bumped into my husbands best friends girlfriend. She was also a work colleague, and a very lovely young woman. We chit chatted till I got off at my bus stop, and then I walked a forth of a mile home.

I knew getting contractions started wouldn't be hard, it would be keeping them that would be the problem. So, after walking home, I enticed alex to some alone time, seeing as it would most likely be the last he'd be getting for a VERY long time. When that failed to work, I asked him to make curry for dinner, and started doing vigorous housework. Up until this point I had been trying everything in my power to make the contractions go away, so it was quite bizzarre to have the go-ahead to try to get into labor. I must have started having contractions about that point, but being the skeptic I am, I wrote them off as braxton-hicks.

This was about 4 in the afternoon. We had decided at this point, even with the bleary weather to go out and get a few items from the store and get a movie to watch for dinner. Besides Alex was missing some essential curry items to finish the meal. So we walked into town, bundling up Natasha for the rainy weather. It was already dark outside. I remembering asking alex to stop at the public toilets, even though I'd already went right before we left. I suppose that should have clued me in, but with the whole irritable uterus I had been diagnosed with, I decided it was no pain no gain anyway and still ignored the contractions.

After walking around town for an hour we got home with all our supplies and I was really having a hard time at this point. Holding a conversation was not even possible. I took care of natasha's needs first, and then the groceries, and then I collapsed on all fours in the living room whimpering. I think at that point I finnally convinced myself, and my husband that this was the real thing. So I asked him to call the hospital for me. Unfortunatly, we don't have a car, so getting me there was proving a bit of a problem. We had used the rest of our change on a taxi back home in the first place, so a taxi was also out of the question.

I wasn't really in the right frame of mind to do anything about any of this, and in the end we got an ambulance to drive me from one side of town to the other. Unfortunatly, it was the christmas lights bananza and all the main roads had been blocked off. I don't really recall how long it took to get there, as I was on Gas and Air (Laughing Gas) the whole time. When they checked me into the maternity Unit in town, they called up Bath to see if I needed to go up there, but was told I didn't need to. Which was great as the local hospital was much more cosy, and as I found out later I was the only one giving birth there that evening. By now the time was 7:30 pm, and I got checked by a midwife, to find out I was already 5 cm dialated and partially effaced. Unfortunatly, my waters STILL hadn't broken.

I called alex, and he made it in for 8:30 after our mother-in-law agreed to watch Natasha. No one was believing the baby was actually coming, and who was to blame them? I had had so many false alarms that at this point even I Was still second-guessing myself. However 3 hours into labor I was another cm dialated, and slightly more effeaced, but it was taking a long time to progress it seemed like. They called up bath again, and got the go-ahead to break my waters. I was so thrilled, at this point it meant there was no turning back! This baby really was coming.

I had a very mobile birth, or as far as was possible since they kept a close moniter on my child's heart beat because she just had a very low base line (110-115bps). I tried to keep on my feet as much as possible but the whole birht my contractions never got closer than 4 minutes apart. They were intense, but never close together. I stayed on gas and air until 7 cm dialated after my waters had been broken for me. I dont know if my body know how to break waters really. Or maybe that's just the way my body labors.

In any case, I asked for some pethadine, but I was reluctant to take it, since it was a morphine-based drug, and could pass into the placenta, making both myself and the child drowsy. I didn't want to prolong this birth any more than nessecary. It was already close to 7 hours and 45 mins into labor, and I was really tired, hot, had been sick multiple times, and just wanted this over and done with.

Alex was a constant support, he sang to me to calm me down, rubbed my back and held my hand. He would rub a damp cloth on my face neck and back. Most of those details are fuzzy as I was a bit delirious at this point, and not from pethadine. That would take at least 20 minutes to get into my system as an injection. However, I do remember clearly asking alex for a blessing to help this labor along, as I was terrified the pethadine would affect the baby, but the pain was intolerable. Alex gave me a sweet short blessing.

(FYI: For those who don't know the Latter-Day Saint Faith, a Blessing is an act, much like biblical times, when a man with the proper Priesthood authority lays their hands upon a persons head to administer words, comfort and even healing from God. The church's explination of the Priesthood and blessings can be found www.mormon.org).

I believe that blessing calmed me down a lot, and I felt as though angel's gathered around me in support of such a special moment, because I felt the urge to push and it was beautiful. I recall little of the pain now, as all I can remember is standing up, then on the bed on all fours, screaming. I wasn't sceaming in panic, just in a very gutteral primal way, that only childbirth can bring out in someone. I felt her head emerge, and I had to wait three long painful minutes until the rest of her came out. I had three pushes, and my child, including placenta was born. Rosemarie Sue.

She was and is gorgeous. She is smaller than my first, and I only slightly tore. I had no abnormal bleeding, and I was about to go home in less than 24 hours. I was so relieved to have it over, and guess what, the pethadine kicked in right after birth, 15 minutes later, to relieve me of the horrible after birth pains that you can get.

All in all, I have to say that delivery was the closest to perfect anyone could expect to get. In the end I didn't even use the gas and air, as I just needed to be in that moment. I really relish this birth experience and I feel like I've come out a stronger, healthier, and more emotionally stable person than before. Even with all the complications before hand, and the worry about my DVT, all of it was taken care of, and I can't help but praise God for his hand in this event in my life.

Because really, holding my child after she was born, really only proved that God is real. He gave me such a precious gift in the birth and in my child. I love both my children so dearly.

Introducing Rosemarie Sue

2007-12-03T19:06:00.000Z

Born on December 1st, 2007 at 3:07am GMT. Weighing 6lbs 7 oz.

Here's is a few pictures since then :D Birth Story and more pictures coming shortly.

FYI this picture is of my mother-in-law Glen, eldest daughter Natasha, and youngest daughter Rose.

Home is where the Heart Is...

2007-11-30T07:13:00.000Z

The Heart Moniter that is!

Since my last post I have been admitted to the hospital twice more, (for the same contractions), and just went to my 37 week checkup with my doctor yesterday. I am yet again on my way up there this morning to get the baby turned around. And if I get contractions, all the better because then I could be delivering my child today, and be done with the last two crazy weeks.

Sometimes I wonder just how much strain a person can take? But let me tell you it's still all very exciting! Depsite having had a rough two weeks, I am so chuffed at the possibility of getting induced and having little Rose in our home. It's amazing how your body responds to these things, and even as recent as last night I was in agony, it is now a distant memory and I am rejoicing in a lot of good things that have happened in my little life sphere.

So let me recap a bit of the highlights and lowlights of the weeks.
The lowest part besides me bumping around from one hospital visit to the next, is that I neglected my poor hampster and it has given up the ghost. It's not surprising we forgot about her as so many people have been in my household this last week and we just didnt have the proper instructions to feed/take care of our hampster. What's really heartbreaking is how upset it was for my husband since it was his birthday present a year ago. And how my 18 month old walks around the house going "Hah-haze" repeatedly. This is how she said the hampster's name: Hazel. She really enjoyed that little critter. But this is life, and when you have very little support for taking care of your daughter, it's hard to remmeber to take care of a rodent too.

Anyways, the high points have been finishing my counselling sessions and the amount of good it has done for my relationships with all my family members. I won't go into the gritty details, but, my father's side of the family did inflict some serious personal mental/emotional/physical scars on me, and they needed to be delt with. Now they are and I can't express my gratitude to God for this maricle in my life. I thought I'd be harboring anger and resentment until my last breath about it all.

The other really great news is the bridges that I had so worried I had burned with my mother are actually almost repaired. So not only have I almost completely fixed all past personal problems with my father, but I'm well on my way to having a stress free relationship with my mother! Not only that, she's wanting us to move back to America to help her with business endeavors. Which unfortunatly would take another post entirely to talk about and suss out all the details. So I won't bore you here, but we are seriously considering it.

The other highlight, and the biggest one of course is all the medical good news I'm having about this pregnancy. My Version as stated before is today, Alex is on early Paternity leave, and the arrival of a new child all on it's own is the best news I could have. Even if the version doesnt work, they will schedule me for a last resort c-section on the 7th of december. Because of my other health problems it would be safter for the baby to be delivered this way than breach and vaginal.

So here I am, nervous as anything to go in today, and hoping that if I am admitted it's because I have a little girl in my arms, not because I'm going to go home empty handed. My husband will be on-call all day should I find out I need him to rush up to be part of the delivery. So now it's just a few more hours of "wait and see". Aren't you excited too? :D We're going to have another little baby!

Painful Indecisions: "Inny" or "Outty"

2007-11-21T05:20:00.000Z

The last 48 hours have been like a bizzare rollercoaster ride. Or just a very strange waking dream.

It started with contractions on sunday at 35 weeks pregnant. By monday I had shrugged them off and started getting the house hold ready (cleaning and such) for the baby. Packing my bags for the hospital in the next 4 weeks, and going to a doctors appointment that morning.

It was one of those really terribly cold and miserable mornings, and my mood was all over the place. I didn't feel like writing, the contractions from the day before we're like having a bee next to my ear that wouldn't go away, and I wasn't looking forward to going all the way across town in the rain and cold. It was dark, damp, and gross outside, and all I have in the way of shoes is 2 pairs of sandals, and a pair of ballerina pumps. I opted for the last option, and cleverly found a solution to my problems: Get a bus across town. So I figured out the time I needed to be out there waiting and rushed around getting everything ready.

By the time I got to where I thought the bus stop was, it wasnt there. I asked a few other hurried people if they knew where it was, and the they all seemed to look at me like I was stupid and said it would be faster to walk there. And yes, when you're healthy, not pushing a pram in the rain, and not 35 weeks pregnant with contractions that morning, walking WOULD be easier! However that was not the case for me. In the end I looked up and down the street only to be at a loss for this bus stop, and fearing missing my appointment, I had little choice but to walk. By this time my daughter is screaming, and I'm pretty much soaked through since I can't hold an umbrella and push a pram, and for obvious reasons my coat wouldn't button up.

It really amazed me how someone can be so stupid not to notice a heavily pregnant woman with one child already, and just nochalantly comment with "Why not walk?". The walk to the other side of town, was slow, but I had time since I had planned to take the bus early and wait a half an hour at the clinic. At this point I was hoping to dry out with those 30 extra minutes mostly. Also, the walk is about a mile away, while not uncomfortable in the best of conditions, and usually done within 30 minutes, took me over an hour and 15 minutes, and this was only making it to the middle of town.

I realized at this point something was wrong, because these contractions were getting worse; and making me stop in my tracks to pant. Which was making an already grumpy mummy more miserable. (Try saying that ten times fast!) So with about 10 minutes to get to the clinic left, I was only just now in the middle of town, and I still had a hill to walk up that looked to me to be mount olympus in my condition. So, stubbornly, I tried going up it, and about 100 steps into this process I had to turn back around and go to the taxi rank. While out of my way, it would get me faster to the clinic than I was able to. I had to admit defeat at this point because I didn't want to be late, and I was in a lot of pain, besides I now added a headache to my bad day due to my still screaming child. She really hates water of any sort.

Upon reaching the clinic, my child remained fussy no matter what I did, but I was able to get in to see the doctor and that went fairly smoothly. I got my order for prescription medication I was out of, and I was able to sneak in a quick check of my daughter who had still been sick from a viral infection a few weeks back. We had also just found out my mother-in-law had bronchitis and I was hoping she hadn't passed it along to my child. Anyways, everything checked out, and I feel horrible for that poor doctor as she was such a sweet young woman and I must have seem like the most mean spirited person ever. I just wasn't my normal smiley cheerful self.

Since these contractions at this point resembled real ones, and not braxton-hicks, I decided to head over to the hospital to ask advice of the midwife since it's right next door to where I was anyway. After picking up my prescription, which they told me they didn't have enough in stock of, so they would have to have me come pick it up again tomorrow (WHAT? Another trip to the other side of town in my condition?! UGH!), I headed out even more peeved at my luck today. Upon reaching the maternity ward, they were dealing with the very end of a delivery, and another woman who was in active labor came up behind me as I rang the bell. I just wondered at this point, if the day could get any worse. I really had no idea.

The charge nurse answered, and I squeezed in their tiny office, with a now complacant daughter because she had fallen asleep, thankfully, and told them my situation. Only to be told that I had to wait until the midwife could see me. So after much thumb-twiddling, I was then told I couldn't be seen by the midwife, from the midwife herself because I was only 35 weeks along and they didn't do checks or anything for anyone less than 37 weeks and that I would need to go to Bath in order to make sure I wasn't going into labor, or there wasn't any problems with the baby. Unfortunatly, since I wasn't in active labor, they wouldn't be able to provide an ambulance for me as well. This wasn't even taking into account the fact I have another child to care for and see she gets to the hospital with me!

I Really Needed A Brick Wall to Bang My Head Against Right Then.

Or maybe I could have just screamed bloody murder. But I handle stress well, and I went into action instead of melt-down. I had little choice really but to pull my husband out of work, yet again, for the third time this year to get arrangements for me to go to the hospital. You have to remember I mentioned my mother-in-law with bronchitis. She was going to be useless. And my father-in-law? Well he was on a honeymoon with his soon-to-be wife, in Morroco for another week and a half. I was going to get little help from my husband's family. I called up Alex and told him I'd meet him at home, then I shelled out for another taxi to take me home, promising the midwife that I would go to bath as soon as I possibly could. After reaching home, I just wanted to lay down and sleep, because I was so tired, but my daughter wouldn't go back to sleep and still hadn't eaten anything since 8am, and it was now almost 1pm. At least I didn't have to walk across town to home! I got on my knees at this point just to pray because I really needed to feel calmer about all this. The thought of going to bath when I had been up there and admitted just last month, was the most detestable thing ever. It's not that I wasn't concerned about the health of my child, it was more like, I just hate being away from my family and home.

I really relish my job, my husband, my child, so disrupting that schedule is really hard for me. And as I said my husband had to leave work early to come get me, I couldnt be making him look good at the work place. I was feeling guilty, in pain, hungry and really tired- not to mention wet still. Things seemed to be looking up however with my husband home an hour later, because I was able to unload what had happened so far to him, and try and work out a game plan from here. We couldn't reasonably take Natasha up with us, and yet, Alex wanted to stay with me incase I had the baby, so he couldnt stay to watch natasha. We called upon the lovely people in our church to help, and while they were able to help watch natasha, getting up to Bath was still proving similar to walking to the moon. In the end, we asked our friend from the Military of Defense if he could take off work early to take us up to bath. He wasn't too happy about this, but he was our very last option, and is practically like family to Alex and myself.

Geoff, the surrogate uncle to alex, came to our rescue and we all, including Natasha, went up to bath. I got admitted, and put on moniter, and really calmed down a lot knowing at this point whatever happened, it would be okay. It was not a little past 4 pm, and I was really exhausted. Stress had started to take it's toll, and I just wanted to know if I was having this baby now, or in two weeks from now just to get it over and done with! They consulted with my doctor and decided to just let me labor if it happened since my contractions were regular and see where it went.

After a few hours, my husband went home, and got all the arrangements with natasha figured out, he then continued my efforts of getting the house ready, while I just played the waiting game to see if my contractions got worse/more regular. I did find out I was 35wk 5days along, so if the baby did come it wouldn't be as bad as just turning my 34th week. I stayed in that ward all night long, my husband coming to up to visit around 8-9pm. I had the longest night of my life as well, as at 10 they told me I was exactly 1 cm dialated, and my contractions were getting worse. So it looked as if by morning I might actually start active labor! I stayed up till 4 am due to the contractions, and passed out sitting up, with my glasses on, from 4-7, having not even moved! If that whole ordeal was not enough, the contractions went away by midmorning and getting checked again only proved that I was no longer dialated at all!

(Note to readers: For those uncomfortable with graphic details of birth or the birthing experience please continue after the next two paragraphs.):

I think personally I still am dialated, as I know from my first pregnancy how hard it is to check me. I don't know why that is, but with my first pregnancy the doctor and nurses both joked about it while making my husband turn beat red, because really, the only way it's hard to check, length wise, is if you've naturally becomes shaped that way. I dont think I need to elaborate more on THAT matter! It's still a running joke between me and my husband BTW. And if a woman doctor 6foot something with VERY large hands has a hard time telling if I'm dialated (and she's done this for YEARS) then a short, very small handed, Indian female doctor is not going to have much success.(besides it was VERY painful to have her check, and I know when someone is getting it right by now I hope! IT IS my body!!)

But I have noticed something in the doctoring profession and that is, it's easier to say "no" with something uncertain, than the doctor admitting they can't do it. The first person who checked me used the proper speculum, I still maintain this indian doctor should have as well. She also tried to convince me not to have breech delivery. She really must have thought I was some sort of dinglebat because she was just so rude, and her oppinion was THE oppinion. I really dislike doctors like that, and wish I could have gotten a second, proper, oppinion on if I was dialated because when I joked "I didn't know you could Un-dialate!" they didnt reply, or laugh, and so I really don't think that's possible. But I will reasearch the matter later.

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(For those who skipped the last paragraph, You have not missed much of the story, just my personal oppinion on a few matters concerning how pregnancy works, and is not nessecary to the story! :) Please continue from this point onward):

In the end, I was sent home that evening, my contractions irregular as they were on sunday, and told not to do anything strenuous. Like thats possible with a house to maintain and an 18 month old to look after!! But I am back home now, and I've slept loads this evening, even with contractions, it's easier to do that in your own home than at a hospital. And I am really grateful the NHS exists to moniter me and help me, even if I do take some of the doctors oppinions with a grain of salt. When you see that many different doctors in a day, you tend to have to form your own oppinions based on the fact than what the doctors tell you. For me I just rely on the spirit, and the spirit and body tells me, this baby is getting ready for a normal vaginal birth and I am quite happy to let it! So, I have an appointment on the 29th, and tomorrow I am officially 36 weeks pregnant. On the 29th if the baby hasn't turned head down, then they will try to do it for me, and even if it doesnt i'm still going to try and deliver the baby naturally. I feel very strongly this is the right thing to do for my situation, and in no way would I make this choice with out careful spiritual, and physical confirmation. Being told to trust your instincts is one of the best advice out there. And besides my doctor wants me to try and labor it away, and is really supportive, So hopefully it will all go smooth sailing and no more contractions until the ACTUAL birth.

1 'nana, 2 'nana, 3 'nana- four!

2007-11-19T06:47:00.000Z

Natasha is quickly growing into the smartest little girl I know. Yesterday she wouldn't stop counting everything. "Nana" is her word for Grandma, but it's also her word for banana. She loves picking up items placing them in a certain order and going, one, "t", free, foor, "t". The T stands for two, and she can't really say the other words properly yet, but it's still the most adorable thing I've ever seen.
I really need to get some pictures up to show you all. It's so cute.

Another adorable thing she started saying yesterday was "HelloO" yes, with the extra all important "o". She tends to talk like an american that way, saying things almost like a question at the end all the time. Yesterday she got hooked on it before bed time because I go to: Webcam with my mother.

Who it was shocking to see. I haven't seen her face in almost two years, and the last two years weren't to kind on her features. Suddenly to me, she really looked her age, and then some. The last surgery she had must have been hard to recover from. But the way her eyes sparkled, and how she was so happy to see natasha and myself made me so happy. She really was crying, and it was gorgeous to see her. I wish she were more involved with the church because then she could take comfort that we would all be family together someday.

But for now, instead of worrying about all that, I simply let natasha wave her arms out like a loon, and saying HelloO! Yesterday was a perfect day, with a perfect nights rest, and was exactly what I needed to refill my spiritual and emotional cup.

Learning the Hard Way

2007-11-17T08:24:00.000Z

I remember growing up how my mother would always admonish me to put the dirty clothes in the basket instead of the bathroom floor. And each morning for my shower, the clothes, and towels, hair brush, and my brain would be picked up off the floor and put in the laundry basket by my mother.

How entertaining it is to know what it means to be a mother now. I constantly follow after my 18-month-old picking up her items, and teaching her how to sweep, mop, put away, and organize. She loves it, but it's hard to do these things having never really done them before in my life.

In fact over the past five days, I have started to iron for the first time in my life. I'm now sporting 4 battle wounds on my arms that make it look like I intentionally hurt myself, (It Really IS the iron!!) and each attempt to make clothes wrinkleless gets only slightly better.

At least practicing on children clothing is easy.

Why is it that some unknown factor in the universe makes every pregnant woman from about 6 months onward become this nesting cleaning machine. Because for me, if I stay still too long my legs start twitiching and I get the itch to do something! Anything! I've never had such a clean house, in fact, I worry I'll be able to keep it up after the new child is here (or if that's even important! LOL).

But I am learning slowly, the hard way, it's taken almost 3 years for my skills to reach passable, and only just now do I feel like I've left the plateau and headed to higher footing on the homemaking front. This all coming from a woman who cant sew on buttons, who never washed anything by hand, who played most the days of her child hood, and who's only homemaking skill was organization. This from the person who never ironed, never cleaned her own room, and was basically spoilt rotten. It's not like my parents didnt try to teach me! It's more like my brother bailed me out a lot. In fact, the best of my cooking skills before now was french toast.

But now, I'm proud to say I can make a half decent pizza. I can make bread that doesnt fall in the middle, and I only burn myself 50% of the time. I thought becoming a mother entitled you automatically to all the secret knowledge of savvy cleaning know-how. Boy was I wrong! And my poor arms and fingers are showing the battle scars of a girl-woman trying her best to be adult for her children.

I just have to keep asking myself, what's adult again?

2007-11-12T06:00:00.000Z

Journal,
I've been neglecting you latly in favor of livejournal. I know, I'm a traitor. But never fear, I am back and ready to type my way into action. I've been lurking around other journals, but I just haven't felt like posting here. I am not sure why, maybe because I've been talking to my family a lot on the phone and havent felt to update everyone here.

But things have been happening, and mostly on a personal level. I feel like i've raised myself to a new standard for happiness. Alex and I for sometime now have done scriptures and prayers nightly, now we've extended that to personal prayer/scripture time, and I've even pursued this in the morning as well.

I am doing www.flylady.com, to help me become organized with day to day things, and I'm really enjoying trying to push myself. I had a sort of ephifany recently, and If you're interested, it has to do with lovely Alma, chapter 7. Everything in there seems to apply to me right now, and I especially loves how it alks about in verse 23 of being humble and submissive.

Yesterday I got a phone call from both my mother and father on the same thing: We jsut bought a webcam and want to talk to you on it. Strangly enough I had similar reactions to both. Shock and weirdness. I dont know about you, but I feel like a whale right now at the end of pregnancy and anything but all togther. I wonder what Dad looks like? Anyways, I'm going forward with this because I love my parents. Both of them. Even if it's a bit scary for me haha. (much more scary about my dad than my mom...really strange that it happened on the same day however!!)

Anyways, I must away now journal, as life goes on and my time to write is limited. I will soon catch you up on more things as I try and evolve into the best mummy and wife I can be.

Natasha's Blog

2007-10-17T07:03:00.000+01:00

If anyone is interested I have started a live journal blog specifically about Natasha. Where this one is just the general on-goings of my family, the Natasha Journal is all about Natasha. It is under friends only and requires you to sign up with Livejournal to view it. And let me know you signed up so I can add you. I'm addressing this mostly to my Mother and Grandma as I think they will be interested in this. Due to the personal nature of journal it won't be accessible to the general public. It has dates/names and places I'd rather not disclose online.

Anyways, Each entry is done by month, and has a bunch of pictures from that month, starting from her birth until now. Please LEAVE ME A MESSAGE HERE or contact me via email/phone so I can help you get on live journal and see her own journal. I'm finnally organizing all those baby pictures. Go me.

I want to finish this project before the new child comes so I can have two seperate journals for each child and they will know when they get older what it was like for them as babies. I find this an important task for me to do, just as much as geneology, and I'm very excited for it to be close to completed/up to date.

Blogging, Ranting and Friendships

2007-10-08T08:38:00.001+01:00

I started this blog with the intent of keeping my family and friends on the other side of the pond in touch with me since it would be more accessible than the live journal one, it's also easier to post pictures for everyone to view.

Unfortunatly I've really started to hate blogging. Maybe it's because it doesn't seem to matter. The people I want to touch don't comment, and I'm not even sure if they read it, and the people I do want to get to know better are impossible to know through blogs.

So I'm venting here, it seems appropriate since it's about blogger to vent here. I'm tired of making superficial friends through blogs (not just this one specifically) and of generally being unable to connect with others. I've also been having this problem on the hoem front and many of my old friends have been trying to get in contact with me, to only feel like they don't want to be my friend, just to have what they always had: an ear to listen to.

I at least have Liz and Carol and I'm really grateful for them. I hope to continue to cultivate friendships with them, but it's really frustrating trying to expand having friends. Even people who call me from church are only interested in either information or help. I hope I odn't come across that way myself.

Anyways, Carol is coming over this week to help me out a bit with some housework stuff since I've been really sick. Although by Thursday I could be back to work and fine and normal :) (fingers crossed anyway) And today I see Liz, which will be great she's such a good friend of mine. I think I'll make her a card today to tell her thanks.

I'm just generally feeling pessimistic about the friends front online and needing to find that fufillment elsewhere is hard when I have one child and another on the way. It will be good to move to trowbridge because there's no playgroups where I live that are free and I can't afford to go to ones you have to pay. It would be lovely to meet some other women who have similiar intersts as me.

Hopeful Encounters

2007-10-04T12:13:00.001+01:00

Have you ever had a premonition that something really great is going to happen to you soon? I am having that feeling like something is going to happen to change my world in the next few days. Maybe it's because life has been so on the edge for me latly, or maybe I'm just strange but I can't shake the feeling that each time I pick up the phone, or look over my shoulder something amazing is going to transpire.

I've had these premonitions before, but not usually about good things, usually it's right before something terrible happens. But I've started having the weirdest dreams concerning this one, to being reuinted with family that I have here in England, to finding an amazing art job. I'm just holding my breath at this point and I can't stop smiling.

Even the fickle english weather is in agreement with me today: It's going to be a gorgeous day!

A Long Silence Explained

2007-10-03T08:01:00.000+01:00

So everyone, I have not been around on my blog simply because, for the second time this year, I was admitted to the hospital via ambulance. This time my stay was 5 torturous days away from my beloved family.
The cause: Blood clots in my left leg and lungs.

Thursday night I was up all night with a very sick daughter, and having difficulty breathing myself, I assumed I was also coming down with this chest infection and decided that seeing the doctor the next day would be the best plan of action. Little did I know that my symptoms and my families illness were very different things.

How does one know they have a blood clot you ask? Easy, You don't until it's rather serious. In my case it was having a leg that was constantly cramping, and tender and swolen, along with inablity to breath properly somewhat similar to asthma, or a severe asthma attack only it just keeps going on and on. There can also be a dry cough along with this and just a general feeling of unwell.

This all seemed rather vague to me at the time too.

But after taking my blood pressure and getting a high reading of 78 over 45 I realized that something a bit more serious was going on. I've NEVER seen my blood pressure that low before, and it does run low in me already. I also had a very low amount of oxygen in my blood stream and was put on a breathing machine, and my white blood cell count was unusually high.

All that doesn't mean a whole lot to me except that doing anything normal felt like I was running a marathon. The first few days I was admitted it was so bad the nurses wouldnt even allow me to go to the bathroom 15 feet away, they brought one to me, which is never a pleasant experiance! LOL.

So I went into an x-ray test of my lungs the 2nd day I was there, and they confirmed it WASNT anything to do with pneumonia, chest infection, leaking lungs, ect ect. and just made them more suspicious of clots. The next day was followed by a chest Scan, which is different in an x-ray in that it's more dangerous for me and the baby, and they were looking at my blood vessils not the organs. They inject you with a dye into your blood stream which makes you have a hot flush all the way from your head to your toes and last about a minute and a half, and then they put in you this big Tube that looked like a blue metalic, large, Krispy Kreme. This test came back with no diagnostic at all meaning they just didn't get a clear enough scan to see anything and they weren't going to risk putting me under that much radiation again. It's scary enough thinking I might not be able to breast feed because of this as it is.

Anyways, after this I was getting frustrated and couldn't see when my time here would end. If they'd just find Proof of blood clots they could send me home with the medication they were already giving me (Clexane) and I would be ok. Of course I didn't realize how weak I actually was until I came home last night and walking from the car to my bed was exhausting. In any case I was just pining for my family and normality and to have this illness leave me.

Some people never get sick, and never have anything wrong with them health wise, and then other people, myself included, can't seem to stay out of the hospital. It's rather annoying actually. Maybe I just have a lot to learn spiritually from all this illness in myself? It's not like I treat my body badly, I'm very healthy and concious of my body and what it needs. Which is why I was able to getthis fixed before it killed me, because it does kill many young mothers who are pregnant and don't recognize the symptoms. That's what my doctor told me anyway (how's that for reassurance?).

So, Day 4 I am really getting fed up with hospital food and have been moved from two different units to a respitory unit with 5 other women in my room. Two of them have pneumonia and I'm just praying I can't catch it because I know me and my body and it would have a laugh having blood clots and then getting sick because I was around other illnesses. I also found out that I was getting an ultrasound done on my left leg to find any blood clots. By now I've been on Clexane, an inject based blood thinner, for 4 days and it has made me feel a billion times better. I'm weak but I can at least breath with out oxygen anymore. The scan showed I had a blood clot in my left calf, so, with all that reasoning and the way I came in so ill, they decided to pin me down as having had blood clots in my lungs as well and with my proof I pushed to go home.

You see, even if you get sick, real life goes on with out you. I was not only missing the precious words and Sentences my daughter had started babbling with out me, but my husband had to get back to work so he could get his precoursework done before his business training trip on the 8th of October. (whew that was a run-on, mouthful sentence!) I was dreading the state of the house in my husbands care for five days, and I just didn't want to be stuck in a bed any longer! so I did everything in my powere to show them I was ok, to stop taking paracetamol, (which was for the chest pain that's mostly gone away) to actually walking that 15 feet to the bathroom. I also made an effort to take off those dreaded open backed dressing gowns in favor of normal clothes. I was not going to stay for 2 or 3 more days while the doctors tried to "decided" if I had any clots in my lungs or not. I had one in my leg and that was proof enough for me. The medication that would cure the one in my leg would do the same for the one or more in my lungs. (if there are any at all there- which by the way was never found out!)

So to make a long story short, I got bumped up from having a midwife to having an obtrician for my pregnancy and I will most likely be induced for this pregnancy because of the blood thinners I'm taking. I'm at more of a high risk now that I've had blood clots and they want to time when I haev the baby so I'm not still on the medication, which is useful when giving birth requires a lot of blood letting anyway.
Also, they don't want to stop it too soon because I could reform other blood clots in that time between stopping and having the baby which is also very risking when birthing a child. So, I don;t think I'll be getting my dream of a home birth at this rate.

But I take solace in the fact the Holy Ghost prompted me to see a doctor and I was so quickly diagnosed and taken care of. I am grateful my health is returned to me (mostly) and that I am back home where I belong with my beloved family. Heavenly Father has seen fit to be so merciful at this time to our family and I am so incredibly grateful to him and the gospel for giving my family and my self peace on this matter and keeping the daughter in my womb healthy as well.

2007-09-24T22:50:00.000+01:00

I have had a wonderful spiritual confirmation that the job I am doing and what I am doing for my family is the right thing For Me :) It's been a huge comfort to me when others have discouraged me on this path, or weren't sure I could do it.

Thankfully my husband has never been a part of that group of people and I am grateful for his support and understanding in all this. In fact I think he feels quite the opposite! He couldn't be more thrilled. Sure there are times he misses me, but for the most part I have struck a good balance between work, home and family life.

I am so thankful to Heavenly Father for his kindness and support on this. I haven't been this sure about my path since I asked if I should marry Alex in the first place. And it's a wonderful feeling to know I'm doing God's bidding. I feel free.

Sickness and Work

2007-09-23T09:03:00.000+01:00

Today I work instead of going to church, but the need was greater at work and I know Heavenly Father is not upset. Also, my family is sick, Natasha is on her last leg and Alex is in the middle of it. Sweating, dehydration, snotty nose, cough and sore throat is the symptoms, but I am determined not to get sick!
I have worked friday and Saturday today and tomorrow. So I can't get sick, I have things I have to do.

So last month alex and I tried to surprise each other by paying off a store credit card from home base. Only this resulted in being 200.00 plus in the account and no way to refund it back to the bank. LOL. So....Alex got me a table and chairs with the money for my birthday. It's a beatiful oak set with mole skin material seats that go all the way up the back. It's gorgeous. Here's a link of what it looks like: http://www.homebase.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=20001&langId=-1&catalogId=1500000751&productId=1500121661&Trail=C$cip=1500006955>C$cip=1500007029>C$cip=1500007031&categoryId=1500007031
Anyways, it's made me really happy and we've have to rearrange everything to make it fit in the room. Alex is being so kind and is getting the missionaries around wednesday on his day off to fix the problem. I'm in a huge nesting phase right now so I don't think she could say no if he wanted to.
The carvinal was last night, and the fair is in town. If alex wasn't sick I'd ask him to go with me and get Glen to babysit. But he is and I dont want to make our family more sick!

DND is temporarily on hold while we figure out a good day to do it on, since I work saturday evenings now I dont like playing DND from 1-4 then going straight to work afterwards. I like to have a day off once in a while, and besides saturdays should be dedicated part of the day to the family. Sundays are at least :)

Anyways, that's all I have to update for now until I get some pictures on the computer. Life just keeps plugging away!

More New Items

2007-09-17T10:03:00.000+01:00

This week is my birthday, on wednesday actually, but I'm not celebrating until Thursday because that is my day off and alex's day off :)

My daughter is no longer in the care of the childminder except for this wednesday which is the last day. So instead today and Friday she'll be going to a nursery near by. I'm sure she'll love it, and I feel a bit more confident putting her in a nursery than a child minder.

Anyways, Things are going well here and work is keeping me busy. Life is good and church was lovely. They are renovating our church building right now so it's a bit crazy taking natasha there as it's all dusty and things are pulled apart in certain rooms.

Only 3 short months until the baby is born and I hardly feel pregnant most days, it's just gone by so quickly. I don't really have much more to update since its just so busy but much of the same old same old. When I get some stories to tell, I'll share :)

Idiotics moments and Great Friends

2007-09-14T08:31:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I realized I was reading my schedule wrong. Between finding child care, starting the new job 6 days ago, and dealing with housework, church, and a leaking water heater that needs replacing (which falls into my hands to find a plumber and fix apparently..) I've just been completely overwhelmed! And what makes it worse is I even put in my own blog the wrong times I work..and I was reading that from the military times from my official acceptance letter.

Thank goodness Barb is so sweet because she just laughed at me..i'm sure they'll all come up with a new nick name for me after this! But the weird thing is I only got 2 of the days hours wrong and not the whole schedule.
Monday: 3-9 (check!)
Wednesday: 5-10 (WRONG!) it's 3-10!
Friday: Same as above...3-10..and I had also thought htis was 5-10 >.<
and Saturday: IS actually 5-10. Which is may have been where I was getting confused. I think even the rota people were confused because they thought I came in all week 3-9...So I'm really confused but I'm going to come in today at 3. At least my daughters day care starts at 2. I was trying to figure out why I had it so early for wednesday and friday when i start at 5. What a mess I made for myself. lol.

Anyways, this means I'll be working almost as much as alex since he works 28 hours a week and I work 23.5. Plus I have to care for the house and our daughter. He just gets to put her to bed when he comes home basically. And I have to get up in the morning to take care of him too before he heads to work. I feel like I have 2 jobs now. But I wouldnt give it up for the world. I'm not actually ocmplaining, I'm just really proud of myself from not falling over sideways from this. I know I need to do this for my own sanity because I just can't handle not having a job really and watching Natasha just wasn't challenging enough.

Maybe I'll change my mind after two kids, but I'm quite happy with how many hours and how things are now. :) Alex and I have been having such a great last few days. We have been having a lot of fun in the evenings after I come home from work, and on my days off in the evening. We played charades the other day and laughed so hard that my sides ached. I'm also really happy because I've gained a lot less weight with this pregnancy than with my last one, and I feel really healthy. This pregnancy is just wizzing by.

Also my birthday is coming up. And yesterday I spent my day off outside with Liz all day and she was so lovely! Her kids had a blast and I chased them around the botanical gardens in bath park. I'm so taking my grandma there. She would love it! It's so peaceful and beautiful, and a wonderful way to spend the day!

Alex says he has a suprise for me for my birthday and I'm really excited to find out what it is. My birthday is next wednesday but we're celebrating the day after since I work on my b-day. I also need to let Steve know I can't cover for him on thursday since it is my b-day party ^_^ I figure I will make myself a Chocolate cake and icing and let alex take care of the rest of the stuff. Knowing him he'll forget the cake haha. I also got my first birthday card yesterday from my grandma and that cheered me up immensely.

I'm very glad for all these things in my life, including work, and to know I'm helping my family get a home and to be financially stable. It's wonderful to feel needed.

Mama Nirvana's Meme

2007-09-07T09:30:00.000+01:00

Rules: 1.You have to post these rules before you give the facts. 2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had. 3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts. 4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. 5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Middle Name: Sue
S -- Sulky; I hate being a sore loser but it's so true, when I don't get my way I tend to pout- a lot.
U -- Understanding; I like to listen to people talk about themselves and commisserate the best I can.
E -- Economical; thanks to my husband I have a good head on my shoulders about money and i'm really good at finding the cheapest deals on anything. :)

1. Do you like cheese? I love cheese,but I can't eat it a lot as I'm lactose intolerant.
2. Have you ever been arrested? No.
3. Have you ever shot a gun? Nope, I didn't in america and thankfully can't in England.
4. Your favorite song? Any song by Rialto.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not really, I only ever did with a gynocologist..lol
6. What do you think of when you eat hot dogs? I don't eat hot dogs.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water
9. Can you do push ups? er I can do the kind on the edge of a chair. Like 5 in total lol.
10. Is your bathroom clean? Yes, I just cleaned it yesterday.
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Besides my wedding/engagment rings, I also wear a watch all the time except when washing dishes and taking a bath.
12. Favorite Hobby? Painting, napping, writing in my journals.
13. What are you listening to right now? The hum of the washer
14. What is the last thing you ate? A piece of toast for breakfast.
15. What one trait do you hate about yourself? I tend to judge people too easily sometimes.
16. Middle Name? Sue.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Where is my anti-acid tablets? Why can't I find the picture I was using for my oil painting reference, and Will I have any clean underwear by the time I go to work?
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought. A bottle of water, a fruit bar for my daughter, and puddy erasers.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Diet Coke, Water, Hot Chocolate/Herbal Tea
20. Current worry right now? The damp patch on the floor that keeps spreading in our entry hallway, and inability to get ahold of my landlady to fix it.
21. Current hate? Cleaning the kitchen and hoovering the living room.
22. Favorite place to be? Cuddled up next to my husband.
23. How did you bring in the New Year? Taking down the christmas decorations and going to bed early :)
24. What is your quirkiest habit? Tiding things away so even I can't find them O.o
25. Name three people who will complete this and return? Jenn most likely.
26. How many siblings do you have? One younger brother and step-sister.
27. Do you own slippers? I do but I dont wear them right now as they are hiding in some unknown "tidied away" place.
28. What shirt are you wearing? I'm not wearing a shirt, it's a dress.
29. What shampoo do you use? The cheapest possible.
30. Favorite colors? Turquoise, Blue, Green, Orange
31. Would you like to be a pirate? Why?
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't have a shower.
33. Favorite female name? Natasha, and Rosemary, Grace
34. Favorite male name? William, Adrian, Julian
35. What's in your pockets right now? No pockets.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? My daughter blowing raspberries on my tummy for the first time.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Can't remmeber. I may have had care bear ones.
38. Worst injury you've ever had? When I was 7 my brother hit me in the middle of my head with a hammer and I had to go to the emergency room.
39. When's your birthday? 19th of September 1985.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Only one, unless you count the computer as well.
41. Who is your loudest friend? My husband, he has a lovely booming voice.
43. Does someone have a crush on you? Well I know my husband does if that counts..
44. Do you wish on shooting stars? Yup.
45.What is your favorite book? Right now it's the Courage to Heal.
46.What is your favorite age? SO far 22 is looking to be like a great year for me. :)
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? Cathrines Wheel- Rialto
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? There is sunshine in my soul today.
49. What were you doing at 12 am this morning? Going to the bathroom for the 4th time.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? It's morning already?

Working Mama's

2007-09-06T11:24:00.000+01:00

So, yesterday at work I got to chit chat with a lovely woman called Alice. She's also 25 weeks pregnant and her baby is due on the 22nd of December, while mine is the 19th. How lovely is that? We had a lot in common and really hit it off.

She's so different from most women I meet now-a-days, since my circle of women influence has mostly been either my mother in law, or other lds SAHM's. She's 25 weeks pregnant and working 2 jobs, one full time and the one I'm at part time. She just got married to an African man, who from the pictures seems to be lovely, and just bought their first home.

She is a real inspiration to me. I realize that being a stay at home mom is a lovely thing to accomplish. Especially if you have 2+ children, however, helping your family to survive and to have a home to live in (instead of constantly uprooting them as we are at the moment..) is also a lovely thing to do.

I once again come back to the difference in cultures, and ideas, and striking a balance between being a mummy and being a woman. Maybe she tips the scales too much with that much work, but heck I can't say I'm doing much less with trying to get my art business up and running. However mine makes it possible to be there for Natasha all day long. Anyways, it was a breath of fresh air to hear the oppinion of another woman and what they want to do with their maternity time and life compared to the LDS women I have talked to.

I realize this is a bit controversial of me, but I promise I'm not making fun of any LDS women's choices on staying home or not after children. I told Alice that priorities and life drastically changes after the baby is born and all thsoe sure plans seem to go out the window when you're dreading to go back into the work force that first year! At least that's how it was for me :)

I know I will want to spend a few months with this new child as well. I wasnt getting antsy for work until about 8-9months old with Natasha. Any oppinions on this?

2007-09-05T08:23:00.000+01:00

Well my husband nicked the scan photos before I could make copies. He's going to show them all around work :) I myself have a lot of work to do today. But first I'm putting natasha down for her morning nap so when she goes to her day care at 2 pm she doesnt fall asleep in the middle of it. And I need more sleep too >.< I was up at 5 am! It's all I can do to keep my eyes open at the moment.

I have the house to VERY quickly clean. I cleaned most of it on Monday like the bathroom and such, but it's just cluttered very quickly and we dont have many dishes or a dishwasher so the kitchen becomes messy easily. We also use up all our dishes in a day too haha.

Anyways, so besides that I have to get the land lady over here in order to view a damp patch in our carpet that's been forming for the past few weeks. I hope there's no structural problems with the house were in. At least we dont have to worry about it, it's the apartment owners responsibility. Maybe we'll get new carpet!

Then I have to go out and pick up some food from the market today, basic stuff like bread milk veggies..then take natasha to day care at 2. I also want to fit in some art before work. I start work at 5 pm so I do have a lot of time to myself after she heads off to day care. I might do the art then :)

So that's it everyone! Natasha was a doll at the hospital yesterday, and I had a really enjoyable day with my husband in Bath. Such a fun city to visit. He was even able to get the day off to view the scan :)

It's a little girl!

2007-09-05T04:37:00.001+01:00

Not only that my expected due date was off by 2 weeks so i'll be having this baby around christmas!! (19th of Decemeber to be correct..) We're going to name her Rosemary(ie?) Sue. We haven't decided on the spelling yet..whatever will be socially in england I think. We're really excited! :D I couldnt beleive it when they put me 2 weeks and six days ahead of my due date..that's just crazy..I have to tell my work now and I'm a bit nervous to do so haha.

But right now I'm too excited to care, or to sleep. :) I am officially 24 weeks 7 days..er or 25 weeks along :D

2007-09-04T08:58:00.000+01:00

Today is the day of the baby scan, which I'll update this post as soon as I come back, or tomorrow morning :)

I'm excited to be going out to bath as it's a lovely city with many things to do, I will probably leave around 12-1 and have lunch in bath and then go to the park there, and then go to the scan at the hospital. I do love browsing around that city and it's so close I just have to take the oppertunity to go when I can.

Maybe I should print off some art fliers and such and hit the local library there to see if I can post my artwork. Anyways it should be a great day :)

The sun is shining and I'm really happy.

New Routines

2007-09-03T08:27:00.000+01:00

Good news all around!

After my two days training, which is why I haven't had time to post, I am now starting Asda as a Front End Assistant. Sounds neat doesn't it? Really I deal with cafe and cashiering at the tills. :)

At least this means that I will get into a somewhat normal routine again. I will also see Alex less but it nessecary for us to get on to our own two feet and continue forwards. Besides I'm really looking forward to a job. :)

I will be working Mon 3-9, Wed 5-10 Friday 5-10 and Saturday 5-10.

So i'm searching hard once again for a baby sitter/child minder/creche/nursery. It won't be a problem on Saturdays because alex only works Half days saturdays, and starting 24th of September he will have Wednesdays off as well. This is good because I will still get to spend loads of time with him, and we'll always be able to go to church because he always has Sunday off. Bank Holiday Mondays we'll always have off together as well. (except 2 per year)

I'm a bit sad our routine of dinner together will be disruptet 4 days a week but this really is the only situation our money can afford as far as child care goes, and it still allows me to watch Natasha in the day time. I wouldn't be able to work Night shift in my condition.

The other good news is I finnally got my scan appointment last minute on Friday. So I go in on this Tuesday to get it done, and alex is seeing if he can take tomorrow off by switich a day with his colleague. We're also hoping to see the army recruitment people tomorrow because he is really interested in more information.

So all in all we're looking at a few busy days ahead of us, but at least it includes a lot of family time. :)

I get to start prooving myself to alex by paying tithing too, which is exciting because he says it can be very hard to do. I guess I will find out. I don't think it will be but I know how much tithing has helped me in the past. On both sides of the stick.

I'm still mulling over how long I should take my maternity leave, I'll probably start a week or two before the baby is due, and end some time between 8 weeks and 6 months. In england you get up to 26 weeks provided by the government for maternity leave and the first 4 months are paid half wage.

A friend of mine, Elaine, is taking 9 months off for maternity leave :)

Anyways, I've been really busy and just wanted to give a quick update...when I get more pictures I'll post them!

I am so Pissed off!

2007-08-31T10:24:00.000+01:00

ok so this morning has been a bit hellish. I slept really badly last night worrying about going to orientation today. Then I woke up with 30 minutes to get ready to go out the door with natasha to take her to a creche before I had to go to the orientation. I missed getting up with alex who politely let me sleep, and was rushing around like a mad woman.

I take natasha to the creche which costs 3.50 an hour and pay a stupidly large amount of money (15.00) GBP for the taxi there and to azda. Only when I get to azda the lady tells me the orientation is ONLY tomorrow and sunday!! What the heck?!?!?!?!

I asked the lady specifically what days it was, and not only was the stupid person on the phone unable to tell me the correct days, she never informed me of what position I got when I asked! To make matters worse, this has been happening ALL week.

I still haven't got my scan for my baby and I have rights dammit. I really angry at the system because I feel like I'm personally being discriminated against in this country simply because I'm american and I sound young on the phone. I've had SO many people ask "Can I speak to your mummy" When I answer the phone. And all of this just makes me blood boil and ARGH!!!

I Am Really. Mad. Today.

End. Rant.

Nursery, Creches, and Playgroups- Oh My!

2007-08-30T13:47:00.000+01:00

I am having such a time with finding the right place and spot to put natasha and time is ticking out with having my orientation tomorrow.

Whats even better is that I found this person I really like but they are all the way on the other side of town..if I had a car it would be fine but as it is it's a rediciulous amount to walk. However she did agree to pick natasha up, excluding tomorrow, and so until further notice natasha has found a small creche to stay in.

I will bringing by all the items needed for her by 930am. and then I zip off to work. This should be interesting! I don't know how i'll manage with 2 kids with out a car so i'm really grateful that I am getting a job now and able to help our family get a car >.<

Life is just crazy!

Well I didn't mention that I got the job at Azda but I did so let me back up there. I found out yesterday I got the job only they wanted to do 3 day orientation this week, and I was going to do a lot at church too which is sad because now I have to miss church this weekend :( However my job is only monday's wednesdays and fridays so this won't be a problem most days.

Anyways, life is good and I'm doing well, i just need to work out all the kinks in child care and job stuff and everything else. it's just all so crazy and up in the air right now!

I really wish I knew what to do.

Praying for Answers

2007-08-28T08:54:00.001+01:00

There's much news on the family front! Alex and I are officially working on going to the temple in the next 6 months. I know I know, we've been "planning" for ages now, but due to sitautions outside of our control, it hasn't happened yet, but we have Heavenly Father's Blessing on this now, and I'm sure we'll make it this time!

Yesterday I didn't go out because Glen flaked on me, so I went to the park and spent the afternoon at the park with natasha, and I got some adorable pictures too :)

I will post those pictures very shortly but I also wanted to post about my husbands interest in the army. He's always had an interest in the army and decided against doing it after making the choice to marry me instead. But I promised him, and God to help him with his dreams as well as mine. I don't think it's fair for him to so lovingly support me, only to disregard his own desires. So he's looking at applying to the British Army Intelegence Core. He's a very analytical and scientifical/technical person and this is an oppertunity for schooling, security, and oppertunities it would otherwise be impossible for Alex to get into.

I feel ambivailent about the whole thing. Rationally, I know that going into the Int Corp means he will most likely not be in the heat of battle, I can't stop my prejuidice against the army make me dislike it. At the same time, I really really want and will support my husband in the decisions we make for our family. As it is, with alex's new promotion he may doss it off after doing that for the next six months. The one thing we're decided on is that we need to be sealed in the temple before he tries for the army. We also have decided to seek an answer with God with this and work out all the practical implications it means. I would rather alex took this oppertunity than hit 30 yrs old and always wonder "What if?"

It makes me happy he values himself enough to approach me about his dreams and desires, and that we have such a close relationship. Our relationship has been so sweet lately it makes me cry thinking about it. We're so happy.

Driving Backwards and Forwards

2007-08-27T09:16:00.000+01:00

A Scenery Shot of Bath..Most of bath is live this. Don't you love the cute little corner Icecream Parlor?

So I'm embarking on the cary journey of learning to drive in england! Really everyone else in the world drives on the left side of the road so why am I worrying?

I also have to learn to use a clutch which although I've been driving sicne I was 16, it's always been an automatic.

So I'm sending the papers in, and getting a provisional drivers licence to use until I get my own. I actually have a leg up on alex who has never really been in a car before. At least, not behind the wheel.

I think we might pay to get on our mother-in-laws insurance as well until I turn 25 because of horrendous amount of money it costs otherwise. Eventually, we're hoping alex will get a company car, after a few years and a few promotions.

Anyways, Today alex left the house at 6 am to go out to a convention near London, something about history, and samurais..wars..that kind of thing. I'm sure he will enjoy himself! :)

I'm hoping to take the day to go outside with Glen and Natasha since it's a bank holiday monday and no one is working! I want to go out sightseeing somewhere..only I'm not sure where to go! Maybe Salisbury?

In any case, I'll take pictures! I also wanted to post pictures from yesterdays adventures :)

Our day out at Bath (behind me is Bath Abbey)

Sunday Blues

2007-08-26T22:29:00.000+01:00

After yesterday our whole family was sunburnt and heat exhausted and alex and I barely got 4 hours of sleep each. So we didn't end up going to church, and all of us, including natasha took like 6 hour of naps today. Talk about not putting on enouhg sunscreen and drinking enough water yesterday! We all felt like boiled potatoes and stayed inside as much as possible resting from the sun and our achey skin.

But I have some lovely pictures from yesterday in Bath and I will post them soon...:)

2007-08-25T20:17:00.000+01:00

Today has been a very successful day, the house is spotless, and I really mean that! I got a bunch of little crazy items for my family to ship out soonish, and I also got the art supplies I needed for my business...now I just am waiting for some to come in the mail so I can paint paint paint.

I also picked up some art books to study from the masters thanks to the helpful advice my mother gave me...yay.

Alex and I spent most of the day out at Bath and got some touristy bits and bobs for my family.

I don't really have much more to say except I'm excited to get my stuff to start selling art, like my scanner/printer. I just got my money box today to hold petty cash, and I have my art supplies container, I just need my table cloth things, and to make all the prints of my artwork to display :) I also need to send out more art fliers around bath, because when I bought supplies the lady put up my business cards for me, and that was wonderful, I wasn't even expecting that! It kind of came up out of no where..so I'm really thrilled to be getting seen as it were.

I really need to network better as I'm really new to all this...but here goes nothing! I'm just going to give it my all and see what happens!

Yesterday's Hurricane

2007-08-25T08:28:00.000+01:00

So yesterday I had a list of about 20 billion things to do, and amazingly I only had three items left by the end of the day!

Andy came over at 8am, and started doing the garden work, then mowed the whole lawn at 9. Natasha had been up since 6 am so I already had her and myself up, ready, and dressed by 8, and she was sitting eatting breakfast at that point. Alex was still home too when Andy came by, and I finished his lunch and sent him off to work.

Then, I started cleaning! Natasha went down for her nap unusually early at 9-9:30ish. so I was able to start laundry, and deep cleaning the kitchen! Then I moved on to the bathroom, living room, and getting the recycling organized and all that. I also reorganized and cleaned natasha's room before she went down for nap. Then I hoovered the whole house. I delt with some financial things on the phone, and by the time I sat down for a break it was almost noon and natasha was awake again!

It was a beautiful sunny day out, and the front lawn and garden were looking gorgeous! I called Andy in and gave him an hour long lunch, feeding natasha myself and him yummy ham sandwhiches! Then after lunch I took a moment to sit down and write my family letters and get their boxes together to send off in the mail today. I had made some pictures recently, and I want to send everyone in the family a little english gift. :) I kept doing more laundry, and then played outside with Natasha for a little while, on the nice cut lawn, and on her little scooter. I need to take pictures of that sometime!

It was starting to get really hot at this point, and after finishing Natasha's bedroom, she was ready to take another short afternoon nap. I put her down at 1:30 and laid down for an hour myself. Unfortunatly I missed Susanne coming by as I was soo tired, I had only had 4 hours of sleep the night before!!

After an hour of shut-eye I got up and helped andy put some items from our garage in the Loft that we've been meaning to do for awhile. It's just amazing what work can get done with 2 people! Andy did the whole garage, took our bike to get fixed, took our recycling out to the dump (rycyling center is right next to it), and did the front and back garden.

Meanwhile the house was starting to sparkle and I felt a deep satisfaction at our hard work! I've never seen a garage so clean before!

At 4:30 I started preping for dinner, cutting up veggies and such, and made roasted veggies, haddock and chips. It was lovely, and I kept andy around for dinner so he could cool down, and take a breather before leaving. Alex was home by 5:15 so it worked out perfectly to have dinner on the table as he walked in the door. :) After andy left alex and I just vegged. We played some Wii for a bit and then I put natasha down to bed, but she had a panic attack at 8:30 and I had to get her out comfort her, change her again, and put her back down around 9:00. Oh I also gave natasha a bath today. I forgot that part. I gave her one in the middle of the day to cool her down and let her run around just in her nappy inside.

Anyways after she was back asleep I passed out myself after scripture and prayer with Alex. And here I am 11 hours of sleep later and groggy and sore from all the hard work yesterday!

Today is going to be just as busy too, with errands to run, grocery shopping to do, the Land lady inspecting the house today, and preparing our lessons for church. We have a lot to get done :)

But before the busy day starts I'm just cleaning and getting a yummy breakfast in bed ready for alex ;) I think it will be a lovely surprise. And natasha takes a nap between 9-10ish to 11-12ish. I'm thinking omlettes and french toast sound lovely!

Eyes Wide Open

2007-08-24T05:47:00.000+01:00

So many things to say, and so much I want to express only I'm not sure how to write it out. I am finnally doing my art business that I have been talking about but not actually fufilling because of the small over head it costs to start setting up a stall. Alex is providing me a scanner/printer/fax for my birthday that is absolutly gorgeous and really will be the cinch in my business as I can do my own prints, and be able to put out more artwork since I will be able to make photo quality prints of my photographs to actually paint from. My running list of inventory and taking stock while I get everything set up is not actually as large as I thought it would be and a lot of it is creative thinking on my part in order to get by on the least amount of money. I realize it's only a market stall to some people, but to me it's a personal representation of my artwork and more importantly myself when potential art gallery directors see it.

Granted to start with I'll be in my home town and fairly few people, if anyone, will see my artwork, but I plan on changing that to nearby cities later on. I have my business cards, art pieces, pricing figured out, invetories, silly little items like petty cash lock money box, stands for the tables and even a satin dark cloth for the table. I also will make home made flyers, prints, care guides/rights to original pieces, and laminated page depiciting my sale prices/print sizes.

My most brilliant stroke of genius came from husband who suggested instead of trying to frame and bring every piece, I should scan/take photo of my art work, print it on quality paper and put it in a photo album with a short description. Not only that I will have 3-4 of these displayed on my table. I will have a banner on the front of my table with my company name: Drawings for Life, and underneath will be Originals, Prints, Commissions.

So as you picture this table imagine a dark blue satin table cloth, beside me my art easle, as I will be DOING ART at the place as well as selling. (people love seeing artists work too!) On the front of the table is a stylish caligraphy laminated banner with my Company name and a very basic three options I offer. On the table will be three dark mahagony 4 inch stands holding the best three original oil paints I have to offer, framed and ready to go, from anywhere between 80-200 GBP. I'll have at least 3 black photo albums open and depicting my artwork not with me, and off to my right and the viewers left, will be all the business cards, leaflets, and pricing guides. Only the original pieces will have stickers of prices on them, the rest will be either in the album or worked out via print/size ect.

Eventually if prints become more popular (and I'm sure they'll be what covers overhead..) I'll have a modest display box with print you can buy straight from me, but I need to know first what is popular from my art items and what people are most interested in. Do they want me to sit there and do charactures? Or are they interested in take home oil paintings- originals. Do they want watercolors or drawings? Or a choice of all the above?

All these things need to be ironed out in order to anticipate the buyers wants, and to provide the best services. I will also be offering on this table watercolor postcard sets. My other sets will be in oils, branching off the pear idea of having different fruits made from very small pictures and selling the originals at a modest price and continuing to sell prints as well. All prints will be available for pick up from my home, or waiting until the next week when I open the stall again.
These little projects won't take as much time and will be able to be pumped out by one person realitivly easily.

Other things I have started is having print offers on my Deviant Art web page, getting a free ad in our local yellow pages, and shortly, as I make more art, I will prescribe to one or 2 professional art sites online that sell art originals for you. These won't go to the market with me as most will be bound by contract not to sell prints to anyone else. You just sell through them instead. I have found many good pages that are possible candidates, but I want one with high traffic, and high output. I take my art very seriously now, and will be no more displays of anime, or frilly fantasy art unless I intend to sell it. However themed pieces such as my Egyptian Goddess/mythology will continue to be produced depending on demand.

I have less than a month until Alex switches to his new job, so I want to be up and running by the time he transfers because he will always have wednesday's off and will take care of the tricky situation of taking care of natasha, and by january it will be 2 children. :)

The hardest part of this whole endeavor is not the over head but finding the time between being a mother, getting the house in order day to day, and juggling my artwork. I have to make sure it dries higher up so natasha doesn't get into it, and I also have to keep the room well ventilated, which could be a problem during winter, but hopefully by that time I'll be able to get a studio downtown, they have one at a local art gallery for 100 per month. Which is really really cheap.

Anyways, it's 6am now and Natasha is awake, I need to get up and dressed properly and get the kitchen/living room done firs thing, so when NAtasha does down for her nap at 9 am I'll be able to do some artwork!!

Day Off

2007-08-23T14:05:00.000+01:00

I normally let my sunday's be day's off but today has been a classic avoidance of all things exhausting day. I have still cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, but our bedroom has been neglected, and the most strenous thing I plan on doing is laundry, and picking up some parcels from downtown (along with my husband- after work). Yesterday was another busy day filled with tons of things to do, and then I had enrichment that evening, and I just didn't stop, I was out all day running errands in town, and then came home and left 30 mins later. It was amazing I got dinner on the table at all!

So today has been a day I've let my duties slide a bit. But I'll be back on the band wagon tomorrow as I need to make a list tonight for all the different odd and end jobs for our handy man coming by. We need the gardening done, and the garage, and a few paint jobs around the house. None of which alex has the time for, or I can do with natasha/being pregnant. Besides it helps a friend who is need right now :)

Saturday we have our land lady coming aorund to inspect the house, which is why i'm getting to frantic about all the housework and why this week my art has been put on the back burner. Besides I have to tidy it away for Saturday becayse I really doubt my land lady will like the fact I oil paint over the carpet in the bed room,,,even if I do put plastic down!

I also have a few bills to sort out. Yay for that. Ah well, I never officially have a day off when living life, and being a mother!

Pushing Forwards and falling backwards

2007-08-22T09:18:00.000+01:00

Today it is only 9 am and I'm already exhausted! I feel tired and burnt out. I think I needed a break and some water! I feel like every day I'm battling dishes and a dirty house, only to see the evening come with more dishes and still a dirty house >.<
I refuse to clean the house more than twice a day. Natasha is getting even more helpful, but at the same time testing all her boundries. And having my friends kids around only makes her act up for days afterwards. It's very frustrating because I love and admire my friend, but I really relaly really don't approve of the way she rears her children. When they were here for the party the other day the little boy tore natasha's room and the living room apart single handed! He was in her crib, climibing bookcases/dressers, on the window sill and tossing toys all over the place! And i had JUST spent that entire day organizing and cleaning Natasha's room.
Now I have to do it all over again...

I dont think I'm going to be the type of mother who throws big parties for my kids, unless it's in neutral territory like a skating rink or a park!

Today however I'm seeing my midwife for my 20 week checkup, and I'm also going to a concert tonight for enrichment activity. It should be lovely and the perfect pick up I need away from the house and natasha. Not that I don't love my family but every once in awhile I just needt o get away or I might scream. Today feels like one of those days I might pull my hair out!

I just don't understand how such a small place can get so dirty so quickly and I really do try to keep it clean! I know I didn't in the past, but I've been working really hard to keep the spirit here by having a lovely clean home.

Anyways, now that I have ranted and had my break I should probably get back to that before I have to rush out the door and go to my appointment! I think I just need to slow down for a minute, say a prayer and then get back to work :)

Busy Bees and Playtimes

2007-08-21T09:25:00.000+01:00

After cleaning yesterday the party was a success I think. If a bit of a tight squeeze it was still enjoyable. Today I have visiting teachers over at 10am, and I have been busy busy getting the house reorganized after the party yesterday. Whew. The kids tore it apart and I'm not sure if I am supposed to discipline someone elses child in my own home? Does anyone know anything about that? Natasha doesn't climb up things and try to tear things apart. I can't imagine what some parent's houses look like..and I can only use the excuse of that woman having two children so many times. It's different if she were a single mum and not there all the time, but she IS there all the time. Her way of making up for it however was by trying to take over my hosting bit instead of just enjoying the party haha. I didnt mind really it was just she doesnt seem very comfortable in large crowds. I suspect that she is having TOO much time with just her kids. I know she doesn't really have any hobbies or other things she does besides entertaining her kids.

I am so thankful for my art, and for amother who never gave up on her dreams while still balancing her life with a family. It's given me hope that I can do this too and still raise perfectly healthy children. I do admire my mothers strength of will to get things done and bulldoze her way through life no matter what the obstacles. She would be bored with a life that my friend has with 2 kids and nothing else to do!
I know I would be, and I love my kid(s) dearly. However I have to admit it's hard to juggle artwork, business stuff, house work and a kid. This month I have the new yellow pages coming out and I put my business in the yellow pages, so I'm really excited to see if I get some interest/phone calls!

I realize this whole post is pretty random, but it's been a pretty random morning. Alex woke up with 5 minutes to get ready for work and amazingly I still sent him out the door with breakfast in hand and lunch in a bag. It helps that we had some left overs from the party last night though. :)

Anyways I need to finish cleaning a bit, but I should be posting Scan pictures soon!
I am getting it done very soon since today I am officially 20 weeks along. I made sure I was booked in and had to get rebooked because I wasnt yet. And they need to do the scan between 19-21 weeks. we're also going to find the sex of the baby too, and see if it more than one or not.

So everyone new pictures soon, and lots of love from me! Cheers!

2007-08-20T08:48:00.001+01:00

I'm so groggy today after sleeping more than I should have, and having some disturbing nightmares. I had a great time at church yesterday and we didnt get home until almost 2 hours later. Our ride had to talk to the bishop and alex had to stay after to deal with some missionary things :)

We're having a cottage evening/FHE with 12 people tonight and I'm going to make rolls and and pasta salad. So wish me luck for energy enough to get it all done. I have to finish cleaning hte kitchen right now, then clean the bathroom, take apart the table and move it to the garage, clean the hampster cage and move it to the bedroom, and do all that cooking.

Alex has been slacking on his bathroom duties so I have to pick up the slack today and get it done. We're going to spend the evening playing board games and doing a spiritual lesson/message theme thing.

It should be a lot of fun. Hopefully I can get it all done so I just need to get off the computer and go do that now. :)

Early Morning Rantings

2007-08-19T05:56:00.000+01:00

Today at 430 am I woke up and was unable to go back tosleep. I tried for 30 minutes, tossing and turning, and then realized it was just impossible. At 5 am I got online and got a drink and then became really hungry. Except in my wierdness I'm craving pretzels, the kind I used to get at the mall as a kid. So I think, hey it's 5 am I could make some for breakfast! I browse online for a bit checking out recipes and read reviews then decided on a recipe and here I am making pretzels at a quarter to 6 in the morning. I'm still not tired and I couldn't sleep if I wanted to. Besides the kitchen needed some last minute cleaning and I just can't stand the thought of going to church then coming home to a messy house.

Yesterday was so much fun however! We went to a party for Paddy's birthday, my father in law. That wasn't the fun part, the fun part was coming home and playing DND with Alex and John. We also had pizza and a really good time! We must have playef from 6 to 9pm and I havn't enjoyed myself like that for a long time! Too bad Pete missed out.

Anyways, I am just too full of beans to sit still! Natasha is such a cutie now, she does the most adorable things...two days ago she started initiating the tickle game, where she goes up to our feet and goes "tickle tickle tickle" while trying to tickle them with her fingers. Regardless wether we have shoes on or now haha. It's like a breath of fresh air and always makes alex and myself fall into a fit of giggles. Latley we've been like that though, giggling and laughing together like little kids! I don't know if it's because of our daughter or just because we're at a really good spot in our relationship but it's so lovely. I think I've just learned to let loose with him. I definitly trust him 110% and I can't say that about everyone! (especially guys!)

I think kids have an intrinsic sense if you can be trusted or not because she adores Pete and John who are so akward with kids but try so hard with natasha to be nice to her, she could get away with murder with those two and they would just smile and pat her on the head. Where as get her with in 5 feet of my father in law and she starts screaming and won't let him touch her. Can't say I blame her, he wasn't exactly (and still isn't!) a good father to alex. Sure he helped fininacially, but as most of us know there's so much more to parenting than just providing monetary needs! I also get the whilies around that guy, he has this annoying pet peeve of blantantly kissing me on the lips when he greets me. Sometimes two or three times. I dont know if I'll ever get used to that culture difference, you just dont do that in america! (and besides he's the only guy I know who tried kissing me onthe lips! Everyone else settles for cheek [or even the hand in some cames!])

But then we all know how highly Paddy thinks of himself when he has 5 birthday parties (3 of those being vacations to different countries) just to celebrate his 50th birthday.

Anyways, the pretzels are coming along nicely and I'm sure won't make it through the morning! And what a surprise it will be for Alex when he wakes up :). I know my daugheter is too young to appreciate that I baked them by hand, but alex always appreciates me and I love basking in his appreciation. It's so heart warming to know how completely adored and loved I am by my family. Sometimes I do feel like a big kid!

Busy Life

2007-08-13T08:12:00.000+01:00

Today is filled with lots of little art concerns I need to iron out before Wednesday.
I have to make a matt for one of my pictures, find frames for the rest, set a pricing guide and price for my artwork, and work on some more paintings as well. I also need to find someone to watch natasha for wednesday, so hopefully I can find someone to do that. It'll be too hard for me to do the market with her, but i'm willing to do it if i have to.
I've got to get organized with a lot of little things, and make a care guide for my artwork for those who buy it.

I guess I'll learn as I go along and just try to do more and more artwork.
I keep praying so I hope I can do the best I can!

Art Endeavors, Meetings, and Dates

2007-08-12T08:03:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was quite the day for me!
It wasn't a normal day for me and it was so lovely. I went up to Bristol by myself in the morning to go to a Deviant Art Meeting. It ended up only being me and two other guys, since some of the other people had flaked. It was only going to be 6 people in total originally anyway. I met a northern englander photographer named Ami. That's a male french name apparently. And a local Bristol english photographer, Sam.

I really enjoyed myself, and I forgot what it was like to have guy friends, or indeed any art friends who I had a lot in common with. I didnt feel like a pregnant woman, or a mother, but just an artist out enjoying the sights and sounds of bristol with other artists. We went to the Arnolfini art museum and I hung out with them for 3 hours before I was meeting up with my husband in bristol.

I met him at the Odeon Theater and we watched Transformers at 4 pm. My mother-in-law watched Natasha for us since she would be asleep most of the time. But she didn't watch her until alex left to come meet me at 130pm. We then went out to eat and headed home. We didn't even get to see the balloon fair going on, but that's ok because it was still a full day that was very fun!

I would definitly do another Deviant Art Meeting again as I really had a blast, and I think I've just gained two new friends! Ami's partner is an oil painter and I hope next time there's a Bristol meet that she comes along too! I saw her artwork and it's gorgeous.

It was such a refresher to be away from natasha for a day and get my art stuff done, although I definitly wouldnt want to do that more than like once a month or something..I missed my family a lot! haha. Silly but true!
Anyways I need to get going....church today!

Picture Time!

2007-08-08T13:39:00.001+01:00

14/15month old little girl Natasha!
These were all taken about a week ago. Sorry for the slow update...

2007-08-05T08:29:00.001+01:00

Happy August! Happy early birthday for my mum, and hello to you all!
I've posted new artwork on my Deviantart webpage. Grandma, you'll be interested in seeing hte picture of Joseph Smith I did. If you want a copy just let me know!

I plan on adding pictures of our lovely daughter today at some point, so it's just a matter of time of getting it all set up.

Also my husband got his job promotion! Yay for him :) I am very proud of him, and he's very happy. He'll be gone for 2 weeks training though, right at my birthday, so people need to call and cheer me up at that time cause i'll be very lonely :(

But I can't complain, because really, a promotion is the best birthday gift a girl can get! So, my back pain has reduced enough to get on with daily life, and I am very happy with life right now. I hope things will continue forward, - I picked up some frames for osme of my oil pieces and I just need to matt some of my watercolors ^_^

Then, by next wednesday I should have enough art to take to the stalls. At least that is my hope. I also got everything arranged for my yellow pages, and have a wonderful listing there, that I hope will get me more work! I also have my FIRST student coming tomorrow, the 6th, and I am so excited for that. I have a lot to do and so little time to do it which is why I have lacked in updating this.

So look forward to some pictures fairly soon!

Kids come in One's Two's and Three's.

2007-07-27T05:52:00.001+01:00

Two days ago I went out with my friend Liz to an organic farm/petting zoo, and park. Her kids are lovely and we spent the whole day togehter. From 12pm to 730. It was crazy we just had tons to talk about and got along fabulously. I had a really great time.

I've also learned the 'painful' lesson of dealing with three kids at a time, although I'm sure Liz was very grateful for my help! I played with Jake her oldest at 2 1/2 years old, and helped him along hte monkey bars, not realizing this migh cause much stress to a 5 month pregnant woman. Yesterday was spent nursing my pride and wounds as I could barely move my back and spent most of the day in bed, with my mother in law around helping me with Natasha. I really did over work myself I think, and was fearful of a miscarriage since I was having bad stomach cramps on top of it all. In the end though all is well, and I slept a full 8 hours, and took some paracetamol this morning. I did rather enjoy spending the time with Liz and her lovely 11month old daughter, and 2 1/2 year old son. That woman doesn't get out much, and doesnt do much other than parenting her children, I dont know how she does just that however because I'd go insane with out my outside activites that define me as a person. She's so fit and active and I can see now why, if my muscles were under the constant stress and strain they were yesterday I'd be as fit as her too. And you know what it's made me really grateful for my little girl who is such an angel and helps clean up all teh time!

I'm really content with life now, besides an aching back. And I am positng pictures and art soon, I've just been slacking because I've been soooo busy! Sorry everyone!

My Art Endeavors

2007-07-26T08:24:00.000+01:00

I'm trying very hard to get enough art together to sell at the market. This is very hard to do I am finding, as I just dont seem to have enough energy left in the day to do artwork. I Was so busy yesterday, and this week is packed with church things and people coming over in the evening. I am going to pick up some gesso/canvas board today to do some more paintings on and get some still life's popped out hopefully.
Wish me luch as I really need to get at least one or 3 more oils done, and like 5 more watercolors before next wednesday.

Busy busy busy...I promise pictures will be updated soon!

Water Strikes

2007-07-23T20:07:00.000+01:00

Flooding is happening all over the UK. It is so bad so many people have had to leave their homes, not because of a few inches of rain, but up to 10 feet of actual flooding. I am going to stock up on more water supply right now, so that if we run out, or have to move back in with my motehr in law, or father in law..we have at least a back up. I'm storing the water and food high up and not low since we are near the river, and in a one-level bungalow. I feel so bad for all those who are flooded out and send my prayers to them.

Whole cars and up to second stories are flooded out. I just can't believe it. We're protected by a "mountain range" from the worst, which is north of here, but it is all very scary.

Hopefully, it won't hit here, but I wont just keep it to hope, and will prepare our family. At least I had already started our food supply, if we need to move or alex's work floods out. It's in the lowest place in Frome right across the river, and has already flooded out twice this year.

Internet down

2007-07-18T13:32:00.000+01:00

My net will be down for a few days, we went into overdraft and have to wait for tax credits to come through to pay for the virgin media bill, so I own't be able to make any outgoing calls for a few days as well. Anyone who needs to get ahold of me needs to call my home or see me in person. Sorry for all thsoe who read my blog- i'll be back online in a few days! cheers all!

Cleaning Chores, Art Chores....

2007-07-14T09:14:00.000+01:00

So I walked into my kitchen this morning with it sparkling from the effort I had continously put in yesterday, and for the first time ever I felt pride of cleaning. Real pride. Lasting pride. The kind that makes you warm and fuzzy and walk around with a smile on your face.

This coupled with the fact that I'm dead determined to keep my house germ free has spurred me on to interesting lengths. I found "jim" the mold had come back to haunt us in the baby bed room, from where she had peed through the waterproof coverings onto the mat. So yesterday between all my crazy art attempts (which I have 5 new pieces up on Deviant art) I cleaned out the foam bed piece with carpet cleaner and aired it, letting Natasha nap on our bed. Almost all our laundry is caught up on, and somehow even with all this cleaning as I go along, I still have time for my family and artwork. It's been great. The last few days have been such a huge change for me, and success.

It was me who wouldn't clean up after themselves, though my husband does leave dirty socks where ever they may fall- none of that is as bad as the mounds of dishes I was using and not cleaning. Or the laundry I was putting off...or the bare minium I was cleaning. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I need to get organized before having two kids as I know I'll be even more busy, and if I can prioritize my time and work efficiently it helps loads! My grandma was always great at doing this, and I find myself remembering the things she did while growing up, and admiring her for helping raise us, and do all those many things around her home she did. We even used to make preserves of fruits she grew in her garden...strawberries...cherries...apples.. I don't ever remember a time my grandma wasn't working hard.

I also have some good news; I did indeed get the asda job and after enquiring about it yesterday it should only be a few weeks or so until they find a vacancy for me. Apparently, me being pregnant really doesn't matter in england, because the personnel manager told me that not many people get past what I did and that I did very well. If cleaning wasn't a confidence booster for me, this was. I never thought I was good at interviewing, but someone thinks I am.

In any case, life is good right now, and for hte first time I'm juggling everything, and I've actually learned how to juggle. I love being a mother, wife, and artist. I am no longer focused on just being a mother, and I am so happy with me. I have found me again. Chores? None oft his is painful, I do what I need to do, in order to do what I love. And I'm finding I even enjoy what I need to do.

To be or Not to be?

2007-07-12T22:30:00.000+01:00

When I first applied for Asda, I was immediatly sent a letter of rejection, and I put it out of my mind. Then the following day I was called to be asked in for an interview. I was surprised as I had told them I was pregnant and was unsure if I would be offered any job, despite the non-discrimitory laws here in the UK. Those laws mean little if you cannot prove that they are discriminating on any documents or words.

However I went to the interview with a cheerful heart. I was told at the end of the two hour session that I would be contacted in the next few days, with one of three options. Either a) you were accepted and there was a spot available immediatly, b) you were accepted but no spot was available immediatly (for your hours), or c) you were not accepeted.

I went home and waited anxiously for a call or letter. What I received was answer B. So I called to see if there was anyway to be bumped up that list since I knew there was a discrepancy between the hours I wrote as available on my application and the hours they had asked us we 'preferred' in the group session interview. I took the preference litteraly not realizing I was just being silly as I should have written what was already on my application.

Anyways, I called today and was told I would be called since I had cleared that up. Now on the phone I was told specifically what group B meant, and the kind personnel lady told me "You were accepted but put on a waiting list until your specified hours become available for the job you applied for." I know they probably tell everyone this to avoid discremination claims, however, having cleared that up I hope it means I will get the job sooner. It also means they now can't reject me on the basis I am pregnant because of not being rejected all togehter. If that makes any sense. However if they do reject me at this point, I will seek legal advice. I don't want this to continue happening simply because I intend to continue having children. This won't be the first time I run into this problem, and I want to figure out a way to show my best with out needing to dance around the pregnancy subject. I didnt even mention it in my interview since I had plainly put it down in my application, and had they wanted to broach the subject they could have. The only thing they asked that could have been vaugly related would be asking if I'd had any booked holiday time planned for this year. And no I dont. Maternity leave is not holiday, and it won't be this year :P I do feel a bit underhanded for not mentioning it now that I think on it, but I really didn't even consider it because of those lines of reasoning. I take things too literally some time I think.

So now my wonder is, do I continue to pursue this job..or just wait and see what happens? I've been praying and I'm not sure what to do. I need a job, and I need to do my artwork, but so far no one is interested locally in art lessons, and my caricature client fell through. I am not going to give up from a few set backs but I think I need to widen my clientel range, which requires going to different cities. Maybe Carol will help me?

Also, my husband made a wonderful suggestion to offer commision drawings on DND forums. I think this a great idea. I hope it turns out, Anyone else have some creative helpful hints?

A new morning

2007-07-09T08:02:00.000+01:00

Today I feel great! I woke up full of beans, and alex had so kindly cleaned the kitchen last night for me.

This morning is laundry day and sorting out all the recycling/trash for tomorrow. I cant go out and do my monday shopping because I have to wait for Asda to call and see if I got the job. Which is also making me excitable and nervous.

I've been dancing around the house while getting everything ready. Natasha is feeding herself and i'm taking a moment to write here. I dont know how to some people get to sit down and write beautiful posts because I have just enough time to do this haha.

My mother is so wonderful too, she's sending me some new baby clothes, and a box full of goodies for our family. As well as a little wheely bug for natasha i think. :) I also finnally got the stuff from her to start my clinic art project.

Anyways that's all I had to say for today. It's a beautiful day.

The Language of Hands

2007-07-08T11:51:00.000+01:00

I have been teaching natasha ASL. And this is the list of words she knows in ASL vs the one verbally.

ASL:
Up
Down
Potty
Nappy/diaper
clothes
drink
food
more
want
bed/sleep
mum
dad
clean
dirty
wash
bath
brush
hair
shoes/boots
coat
I love you
kiss
brush teeth

Verbal:
Mum
Dad
bye
up

It's great because Its really helping Natasha learn to read, she loves bringing me books to read her now because she can sign along with them. Or at least some of the basic ones. I'm teaching her animals now :)

Reminiscing

2007-07-07T12:05:00.000+01:00

Today I feel a bit lonely. I'm not sure if having never had long time friends, or not having many now has upset me, but it always seems like making friends, and keeping them has never been a strong suit for me.

Which is funny really because I just had a lovely time with Carol and Liz this last week going out with our kids, and playing at the woodland park. I even really enjoyed myself at a dinner going away party for one of my friends in church. I was just getting to know her and now she is leaving in 2 weeks.

I have isolated myself so much being a mother, and with out any transportation, that going to see people is very hard. I think I do something maybe once a month with my 'friends' Carol and Liz, if I'm lucky, and I don't ever get time to sit down and talk to them.

It's lovely having children, and having my husband as friends, but I miss female companionship. Specifically my mother and grandma. They have always been my friends even when I didnt have anyone else, and latly I'm so far away from them I feel all alone.

Well i'm teaching natasha sign language now so at least I can communicate with her better. She now knows almost 10 words in sign language and 4 verbally. It's wonderful to see her grow and develop.

I also did really well at my interview so i'm hoping I make a few friends working. Art work is such a solitary thing it will be nice to have and do both jobs. I guess part of my problem is being so busy that I just dont have the time to sit down and talk to friends for ever. Even if I had someone to talk to for ages besides my mother and grandma.

Cariactures and Things

2007-07-05T08:25:00.001+01:00

I have a client wanting me to go to a business party and draw people as caricatures. Since I have never done this, I decided to practice before trying for the job. I have sent these pictures to the client.

Another rainy day..and another...and another...

2007-07-04T08:13:00.000+01:00

Today is so busy!
I've got drycleaning to send out this morning, a doctors appointment for my rubella blood test stuff, and I'm going out with friends to a near by park/woodlands area today. That's not including the trip to the dump I have to make to drop off a huge bunch of cardboard (they dont have a recycling center for those things here..) or the order i have to pick up from the stationary place, so i can post more art business cards. I still have to sort out signing up my business with the government! I've already been up since 7 doing dishes, getting everyone ready for the morning and I'm just taking a breather before I launch myself into another busy day.

To make matters worse, it's raining again! lol. It was so nice yesterday. I hope it's not raining this afternoon so I can still go to the park or we'll have to find an inside soft play center for all the kids.

It's just crazy the amount of rain we're getting. I hear the US needs it so i'll try and wish it over there for awhile. We're being flooded out here! At least I got 5 loads of laundry done yesterday on the nice sunny day :)

Rainy Days

2007-07-02T09:00:00.000+01:00

Hello all! I've got a lot to post about today since we're all feeling better here.

I have some new pictures to post as well so bear with me as this will be a longwinded one. As I mentioned everyone is over our illness; which is good because this friday I am going to my interview at asda.

I've been doing artwork like mad too; and have new pictures posted on my Deviantart webpage. Points to link to the left of this post!! <---

For those of you computer illiterate i will post one or two of those pictures here :) Especially the one of natasha and of the watercolor I did.

Other things that are going on is having my 12 week appointment with my midwife last weekend. I told her about wanting to birth at home and she said that wouldn't be a problem. She told me the proceedures they normally go through; and it was all very informative. I got an up to date list on the foods I shouldnt eat; reccomended by the english government and I found some of the differences amusing. Not once did they mention sacrin; but that's becaue it's banned over here from all food products!
Some of the other 'fake' sugars aren't but I just avoid them anyway. I don't like the taste of them; especially when i'm pregnant. Also, while at the medwife's I got to hear the baby's heart beat; which was a real joy to me.

Alex and I are discussing ways of me to promote my art more; and with a job I should be able to have a bit of money to spend on advertising. But what we want to do even more is get a car, and alex driving lessons.
We're hoping to succeed in this before 2008. That's our years family goal; that and going on a vacation together. :)

Also if i'm both able to work and do commision artwork it just means more money for us to do these things listed above. I know it seems like a lot to juggle, but it's already 9 am and I have cleaned the kitchen the bedrooms, hovered, and the front room is spotless. I've even done another load of laundry, had breakfast, did alex's breakfast/lunch, and put the baby down to bed for her morning nap (a few minutes ago). If I can multi-task like that I know I can juggle a job, family, housework and art. It's not easy but it makes my days much more busy and productive.

Speaking of artwork, my mother wants me to do some illustrations for her Clinic which I think will be great for portfolio pieces and my reputation I'm trying to build out here. I'm really excited to get started on them, and I'm basically waiting for the go-ahead and picture references from my mother. I should also be getting my Human Anatomy instructional DVD's in the mail any day now, and this will be a great advantage when trying to help my mother do her pictures.

I still haven't fit in exercising in the day, except perhaps a walk to the park with Natasha when I get a chance. Most of my days are so busy now, I just try to walk to and from errands in order to get my exercise.

Ok the only other exciting plans for the week is seeing our friends at teh weekend for a dinner get-together. They are moving away and it will be sad to see them leave, but it will be fun to see them this weekend anyway.

Oh there is one more thing I forgot! Alex has started a DND group again, which has really lifted his spirits as he gets to see some of his friends once a week. Just because he is a father and workds doesnt mean he cant have friends and buddies. I even agreed to sit down and play with him, however I can't really play for like a 5 block session as they like to do because I have to take care of Natasha and cook dinner ect.

So now that I've blabbered on, it is time for the photos of me and my daughter :)

Alex took this second picture late last night of me..so it's a bit blurry. I was playing with the hampster.

Morning list

2007-06-29T07:26:00.000+01:00

1. CLean out Trash bin
2.Take out recycling
3. Hover kitchen/bath room; mop kitchen/bathroom.
4. Do dishes, clean kitchen
5. Run a load of wash (this is always the most impossible task since our washes only holds half hte loads american washers do, and it's a combined washer drier. It takes all day to do one load O.o)
6...So in comes inside clothes horn, since it's been raining all week and we have an outside clothes line but can't use it! lol.
7. Place flyers/business cards around town/ pick up library books/ buy fruit and the clothes horn.
8. Give Natasha a bath :D I've been too sick the past two days to provide her more than a wipe down before bed.
9. Work on my Photoshop painting and watercolor picture.
10. General tidy of the rest of the house.

Extra: Dusting the house if I have time ^_^

Amused Mum

2007-06-27T13:51:00.000+01:00

No matter what I do I can't seem to get my daughter's hair to stay still. It flies away everywhere in a mess that screams: "mum why do you bother brushing my hair? I like it this way!" I try to put clips, ribbons, and twisties in her hair to no avail. She simply pulls them out sometimes taking hair with it, and then shows off a cheeky grin. Even with brushing her hair I am losing the battle, because she simply runs her hands through it or plants food in it for me to pick out later. Half the time I feel more like a monkey than a doting mother.

The other half of the time I really wish I could put fixative in her hair and see the results. It's also becoming slightly curly, somewhere between my husbands thick wavey locks and my messy mane. No wonder I have a hard time getting her hair done, she has our genes.

Water Essence

2007-06-26T10:50:00.001+01:00

And here is the final piece. Enjoy!

Good news all around!

2007-06-26T09:47:00.001+01:00

Today is the day for my 12 week scan. I am very excited!

Besides this I woke up bright and early to find out I had a phone call from Azda awaiting me, and that they do want to have me come in for a group selection interview thing. Yay for me. I do this on July 06, 2007. So wish me luck there!

The bad side of things is my daughter still has the sniffles and gave whatever illness it is to Alex, so I better not get sick!! I don't want to be sick before I go to an interview :P

I'm also posting my art posters and business cards around town. Also my mother wants me to do more art for her and is paying me. So i am very happy that I will be able to help my family soon!

Also I have been very creative latly and will post a new art picture as soon as they are finished. I'm 3/4 the way through my new picture of Natasha and 7/8 the way through my watercolor picture. :)

Natasha Video

2007-06-25T14:23:00.000+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KPDn6zaVdc

I tried to put the encoding here and it didn't work so here is the link to my lovely little girl dancing around the living room.

Illustration of "Min" from the Wheel of Time series

2007-06-25T08:25:00.000+01:00

This is my new art picture for those of you who don't know how to get to my art web page to see it. Mostly for my mother and grandma who views this blog :)

I think I might expand doing more watercolors as I really enjoyed doing this piece and want to do more in the future.

Alex's bike is coming today and Natasha has a cold, waking up in the middle of the night last night and tonight with lots of congestion and I had to have her sleep with me so she wouldn';t constatly roll on to her back and make it worse. Eventually around 3:30am I put her back into her own bed, but it's been a long night and I'm rather tired.

I also have that DVD coming in the mail soon, and tomorrow I get my first scan of the new baby. I'm very excited for this.

I also got a very lovely blessing from my husband last night, I won't mention a lot here as it was a private thing, but I feel a lot more at peace today than I have for many days. I felt lately that my communication was one way, and this reassured me that indeed it wasn't. Such a silly fear.

Anyways I realize this post is fragmented and strange but I have this headache and it won't seem to go away no matter how much water I drink. I really need a nap today!

New Art Work

2007-06-24T06:43:00.000+01:00

I posted a new piece on Deviant Art, and today I'm going to draw and post some costume design Ideas in watercolor or colored pencil. I really need to work on drawing costume designs, and applying them to my pictures as I usually have no idea what to draw on my characters sometimes, and this is becoming hard when I want to draw illustrations from the Wheel of Time. We'll see how my efforts go today.

Natasha is ill again and I'm wondering if this is teething problem as she didn't sleep well last night and cried a lot. This is very unusual for her. Also she has 5 teeth already poking through and three more coming just in the past few days.

I don't really have any new photos to post, but I'll try and take some today for my family. I miss you all!

The Structure of Man

2007-06-23T14:47:00.001+01:00

http://the-structure-of-man.blogspot.com/

This is the best thing I have bought in a long time. And I am so happy with it.
I can't wait to see how my art work progresses.

Pictures of Sick and non-sick baby

2007-06-21T09:39:00.000+01:00

Well Natasha is feeling much better and I've enrolled her in a music and movement class for this Thursday. I saw it on T.V. and was delighted to find out they had filmed it in my area. It's call JoJingles.

I haven't decided if I want to do it for a full term, but I will check it out today and see if I like it.

Anyways here some new pictures for all you picture hungry family members. :)

I really love this picture as it shows a lot of Natasha's personality.

Daddy and Natasha cuddle right before her bedtime. Then she finnally fell asleep.

10:30AM Rock'n'Roll

2007-06-18T10:33:00.000+01:00

The baby is successfully down for nap and the living room, kitchen and bedroom are all clean. I'm getting ready for my bath, and then will clean the baby room and get her ready so we can go down to Azda and I can pop my application in. I really need a job now, I'm just going stir crazy because see the house is clean and it's not even noon. I have time for a long bath, and lazy getting ready because natasha not only sleeps 10 hours a night, but likes to take a 2 hour nap in the morning and an hour nap in the afternoon.

If I don't have the best baby in the world, I don't know who does, even if it was ratcher hectic this morning. The situation is now undercontrol and I feel really good about myself. Who knows maybe I'll even iron clothes today :P

Go on, you know you all want to laugh!

2007-06-18T08:21:00.000+01:00

Today is one of those days I wish I could rewind and start over.

It started with the typical problem, alarm not going off (we really need a new one) and all of us waking up late. Then I have to rush around before natasha wakes up to get alex's breakfast and lunch ready, only there's no bowls because we had icecream last night, and we only own 3 bowls. This leaves me to wonder, what the heck happened to the third bowl???

Then just as finish Alex's breakfast and he's trying to iron his shirt as quickly as possible, letting out repeated profanties as he burns his fingers in his haste. I find my daughter has soiled her bed, her linens, her nappy..her hair...well it's a dissaster. I guess that happens when you change your daughters nappy right before she goes to bed and in her 10 hours of sleep she not only pees but poops too.

The nappy was litterally falling apart, and she's screaming, and there's weird pee crystals that look like ice all over her, and i feel like a horrible mom for letting this happen and I want to just scream like she's screaming because I need to pee too, unfortunatly I don't have a nappy or even a second of my time to do that.

So then I plop my naked daughter in the bath thinking I'll clean her that way, however she decided to pee again, On Me, while I carried her to the short trip to the bathroom. Only to find out there is no hot water, which means I can't clean a bowl for my husband, but worse, I can't clean my pee crystalized daughter. (Not to mention the pee she deposited on me on the way to the bathroom)

So in come the baby wipes, and there stands a shivering, sick, just-awake baby, not entirerly sure why I have her in a bath with out water. Of course she screams. And when my daughter belts out that high pitched squeal every person for 3 kilometers can hear her.

At this point I'm ready to cry or pull my hair out, or both. All I wanted to do was clean my daughter and myself. We havn't even mentioned the bedroom I will have to clean too. And worse alex is already dressed, so what can he do? Get pee on himself and go to work smelling like he didn't bathe. I don't think so.

In the end, all I could do was take a deep breath, laugh and just shake my head.
I wish I could rewind the day and just start it all over. lol.

At least now, the water is warm, I've been the bathroom, the baby is fed and not screaming, my husband is not late for work, and finnally I can breathe.

My Daughter's Health

2007-06-16T19:10:00.000+01:00

Well we found out 2 days ago that my daughter has Ruebella. And since I'm unsure if my blood has the antibodies or if I have previously had ruebella I got my blood tested yesterday to make sure my baby inside me is ok.

I do think this will be ok but I have been praying about it anyway. In the meantime I'm chilling at home with my husband who has the day off and we're celebrating Fathering Sunday a day early, we also will be missing church tomorrow since Natasha is still contagious.

I have a few pictures with her rashy face. It breaks my heart looking at it, but at the same time it makes me laugh too. I figure being light hearted about the whole thing is the way to go. The doctor would have told us if he thought she was in any serious health risk.

Forgiveness is harder to give than it seems

2007-06-16T09:02:00.000+01:00

I having a hard time letting a certain memory go about a man who betrayed my families trust, the church's trust and got away with it.

Which such precious feelings I have towards the church, and my true belief that it IS the one true church, I find it astonishing that young men, specifically soon-to-be missionaries can take those precious teachings and make them so wrong.

What right does a man who is fornicating my younger sister have to go on a mission only a month later? Not only was she younger than him but a minor, him shortly turning 19 at the time, and her only barely 14. In any other state that Utah, and in any other culture than that of Utah this would have been not so lightly handled. And where was the voices and cries of the people against this man?

I was reading This Blog about the missionaries who tried to baptise underage people, and those in sporting avents in South America. And the reason it ties in with my previous concerns about Missionary X that so blantantly went against the rules and fornicated with my sister, is that he went to south america. And while there continued to correspond with my sister, continued to say how much he loved her, and yet found a young woman there who married him only a few short months after he returned home.

After all this my family, and my brother who is his best friend, STILL forgive him. I find it not only wrong that he did those things to my sister, who was young an impressionable, but that he continued to pursue women on his mission, and who knows if he was fornicating with her too! Why is someone like that allowed a temple married, conviently within a few months of his mission, and yet hard working saints like my husband who struggle with being a convert, not having gone on a mission and all that, got blantantly told he couldn't go to the temple yet from a bishop who simply didn't like or understand him.

I'm really angry that so many people just let this go, and let it slide. Everyone has forgotten now, but I havn't. What kind of example was he to those South American people? And to my sister? Who now can't live with out sex or a man since him, who has fallen away from the churhc at a tender young age of 16, after he broke her heart! I'm not saying my sister was completely innocent, but come on at 19 you should know you actions affect other people, and at 14 you're only just understand who you are and what it means to be you.

I don't know if I will ever forgive Missionary X. And it makes me sad to think that.

It all came to head last night that I realized I don't like men. It causes a barrier between me and my husband, my step-dad, my relations with any man, and even my ability to get a job. It's amazing to me that alex puts up with it, as every day I can't stand the way men can abuse the system, especially in the hcurch, and get away with it. I think I might be less bitter if I wasn't raped as a child, and continually see images of that when ever I even think of other men who tried to do the same to other women. Convincing a 14 year old she wants sex with him, is as bad as rape even if nothing happened, becuase the emotional damage is there, and I watched as she became bitter about men too because of that one Missionary.

I pray every day I can let go of this bitterness that eats it's way inside of me. I pray every day that I won't dislike men, and that I can over come this. I just hope some day soon those prayers are answered, for the sake of my peace of mind, and because I can't move forward holding on to the past like this.

Edit: After reading THIS POST...It really hit me hard spiritually. Like knock you off your feet with the holy Ghost. I have much to reflect on and much emotional baggage to shed.

2007-06-14T12:02:00.000+01:00

My daughter has broken out in a rash all over her body and I don't know what it's from. It's even on her face but mostly concentrated on her legs and feet.

I called up to have a doctor look at her and I'm waiting to hear back from them to find out when I can see the doctor.

If you all could say a prayer for my little girl that would be great. She's really poorly right now.

Sick Child and deliveries

2007-06-13T20:44:00.000+01:00

We got the items in the mail. Yay. Minus alex's bike. But Alex is putting together my stationary bike after he puts NAtasha to sleep. She's been sick all day and I got very little done in the way of house cleaning. She slept for a little while, then woke up cried, spent about an hour in my arms then went back to sleep. Every time I'd put her down she'd cry again so most of my day was with my daughter in my arms.

I'm really worried about her but I don't think it's that serious. So no new pictures until she gets better. The weather is the same as everything else today, rainy, and reflecting my poor baby's mood.

Thoughts running nowhere

2007-06-13T08:25:00.001+01:00

I think this is my routine now, to get up and use the time when natasha is asleep for her morning nap to write in my blog and do some housework, which usually only includes dinner dishes and breakfast dishes and a general sweep/wipe down of the room.

I didn't get to take pictures yesterday because our batteries for the camera needed to be recharged. So I bought some spare at Azda yesterday to fill in the gaps when I'm charging the other batteries. That way I can take pictures every day and not worry about it.

Yesterday my mother and I looked at wheely bugs for Natasha. I really like the mouse one personally, and i'll be really excited if my mother does buy one for her. Speaking of new toys, Alex got natasha this baby pool for the summer a few weeks ago, but it hasn't been warm enough until today to get into it. So I'm going to blow it up and put the hose in it to fill it up and then play with Natasha this afternoon. I think she'd really like it, and since we can't always go to the pool it will be a great way to let her splash around!

Also our shipment of exercising equipment should come today, I'm really excited for the body scuplting set I talked about yesterday. The stepper and yoga ball/mat in particular as these are going to be staples to keep me healthy while pregnant. Besides the yoga ball will be great for my hip as it keeps getting popped out of place.

I've also trimmed down our dietary needs as well. Alex asked if I bought him any treats and I hadn't except yummy fruits veggies and some sunflower seeds. We do also have plain popcorn, and when air popped is hardly any calories at all. There was one thing I bought though, that wasn't healthy and that was a store pizza. lol. I only did that because it's cheaper than buying dominoes and we'd always buy WAY too much. So instead of laboring over a homemade pizza; It makes such a mess to hand wash, I bought this one instead. Last night's dinner was super yummy though. We had roast chicken with garlic and herbs, sweet potatoes, salad with avacado and corn on the cob.

We also had Geoff visit for dinner last night and we really enjoyed having his company around for dinner. He only stayed for an hour or so, but it was still enjoyable. Alex and Geoff have agreed to go swimming together on monday evenings. I think taht will be great for the two of them. The more you move, the more you want to move. So getting energy pumping in the household is just contagious and I can't keep the constant smile off my face. Even getting up to a whiny baby hasn't put me off today. I'm going strong!

Lots of Energy abounds!

2007-06-12T09:08:00.000+01:00

Today natasha and myself were dressed and ready for the day before 9:00 am. I see this as a personal achievement and after my daugheters morning nap we're walking down to Azda together to get some groveries for the week.

I love this extended walk I do with my daughter once a week. Sometimes I go into town and such, but this walk is special. I get to walk farther, and go on a public footpath that crisscrosses the river near by. It's such a beautiful walk, and I enjoy shopping for this reason alone. It also gets all the jitters and bugs out of my daughter before we get into the store and she's much more calm than if I take a taxi.

I think I'll take some pictures on my way out so you can see the lovely scenery I'm privvy to on days like today. I might even be really adventurous and carry my daughter instead of use the push chair.

----
Alex came home with good news yesterday, he passed his formal 6 month review! It means A) He's doing well enough in his job that there is no need to worry about him loosing it, and B) there was talk of a promotion soon if he continues doing as well as he is.
I'm super proud of my husband and we continue our vigiliant efforts and prayers to Heavenly Father that he does get promoted soon.

For fathers day we got Alex a Bike from Littlewoods. And me, since I can't bike with natasha got a cheaper version: I stationary exercise bike. I'm very happy about this purchase as it's something that will help me greatly maintain a healthy weight during pregnancy. It's also something easily done at home after my chores has been finished. We also invested in one other healthy purchase and that was a fitness kit. With a yoga mat, and pregnancy/yoga ball, skipping rope (which i won't be using), and a stepper. I love steppers, and I used to love running up and down stairs as well. But since we don't have stairs in our bungalow, I will use this instead, like during dishes or watching television.

All these things have been spurred on because Alex has found out he's obese, not just overweight. This really scared him, and he's been trying really hard to lose the weight the last 2 weeks since his doctors appointment. It's hard not to gain weight when your job involves so much sitting. (He's a banker, and mostly works with cash handling and customers right now).

I'm really proud of his efforts in this as well, since I know how hard it is to lose weight! I lost close to 40 pounds within a year after my first pregnancy. I went from 190, at the end of my pregnancy down to 150 right before my surgery in march. I gained a little bit of weight after the surgery because of lack of exercise and general healing process (it doesn't help that for 2 weeks in march i was stuck in a hospital bed while waiting to get my gall stones/bladder removed), but overall I'm much healthier now than I have been at any other time in my life.

I need to be healthy to have a home birth! That's my plans and I'm contacting my midwife today to set up an appointment to talk things over with her. I want to know when my first scan is too and how many weeks I am along. I don't even know lol.

Anyways the baby is taking her nap and I need to get some housework done. Lots to do today and not a lot of time to do it! How exciting and challenging it will be with 2 kids. I really am looking forward to it!

2007-06-11T08:00:00.000+01:00

All I have to sya is my daughter is adorable. And I could stare at her all day, if I had the time to. lol. I think I'm going to pull out our baby pool for her today and let her splash around in that as well. That should be really fun. Or maybe we'll just go to the pool too. I also need to call Geoff tonight for alex.

List of things to do today:
Clean living room
Pick up bed room/make bed.
Do dishes from roast dinner last night.
Pick up baby room.
Hover all rooms.
Attempt to sweep/mop kitchen floor.
Dusting all wood furniture.
Ironing husbands work shirts/another load of laundry
And my least favorite chore of all: Clean the hampster cage.

I've really enjoyed this weekend, but it's back to work now!

Natasha 2

2007-06-10T14:16:00.001+01:00

Natasha1

2007-06-10T14:12:00.000+01:00

Some pictures to feast your Eyes on

2007-06-09T10:53:00.000+01:00

Questionaire day :D

2007-06-09T09:55:00.000+01:00

Four jobs that I have had in my life:

1. Private Art Teacher
2. Mother
3. Freelance jobs/misc. jobs
4. Don't really have/had any other jobs.

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1. The Prince of Egypt (have you actually seen the artwork done in that? It's amazing!)
2. Ever After (i'm a sap for this one)
3. Firefly series and movie
4. Red Dwarf (this is more of a favorite for me and my husband and it's a really funny british sitcom from BBC)

Four places that I have lived:

1. Somerset County, United Kingdom
2. Seattle, Washington, United States
3. Easton, Maryland, United States
4. San Antonio Texas, United States
(we're hoping to move to spain/france or japan after living in england for awhile..)

Four television shows that I watch or wish I got to watch:

1. Scrubs is a ritual for alex and I to watch after dinner but before natasha is asleep.
2. I can't fill up four because I have watched the TV shows I want to watch and maybe once a season I'll find something interesting, but I dont like most TV.

Four places I have gone or will go on vacation:

1. Alex and I are planning a trip to Disneyland15 in France in the next few years to take Natasha with, most likely with one of his bonuses in February.
2. We are most likely taking a weekend to Ireland soon to visit Alex's family there.
3. I have been to The Alamo, Canada, Mexico, and Yellowstone National park. (the last one was a dream of mine since a little girl..weirdly enough.)
4. I really want to visit paris and the Louvre while in France in the next couple of years.

Four websites I visit almost daily:

1. Blogger.com
2. Tiscali.co.uk (for my email)
3. Kotaku.com (gaming news..really funny stuff)
4. Photobucket.com (to upload recent pictures of our family.)

Four favorite foods:

1. My husbands homemade chips (frenchfries for all you americans reading this..)
2. I absolutly adore cheesecake of any kind
3. Fruit- but mostly plums,cheeries, and bananas..and maybe strawberries too.lol.
4. I love a good homemade roast dinner. YUM! Especially if it;s pork done in the oven with crackling on top..and a lovely gravey with mashed potatoes or parboiled potatoes.

Four things I would like to learn or be better at:

1. Alex and I are talking about me taking a course in something to have a job inbetween pregnancies and such. I'm looking at a physical fitness trainer.
2. I want to learn how to cook better.
3. I want to know the secret behind getting ironing ironed perfectly.
4. I want to take the national qualifications for flute here and see what grade I am (or fallen to) so that I can improve that skill I have.

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Amazingly nowhere! I'm very happy where I am right now :) Although I would love to be on some sort of vacation with my husband, we make most of every day and today he comes home early so I get to clean clean clean before he gets home and then we'll probably go to the park. We don't have any plans for today so it's going to be a rather relaxing day I think.

Weymouth and adventures

2007-06-04T08:39:00.000+01:00

This weekend has been really exciting and revitalizing for me. Alex and I had a whole day trip with Natasha to Weymouth on saturday. We forgot our camera so I don't have any pictures. Sorry! But I can paint a picture with my words so you can imagine you were there!

It was a gorgeous day, the sky was clear and crystal blue. It was swelteringly hot, and we hopped a train from our home town to Weymouth around 10 am. The trip was not terribly long, and Natasha and I loved looking out at the rolling country side of england. Everything was bathed in vibrant greens, as we clicked and clacked a long on the train. I was full of energy as I knew the house was already clean and I could enjoy my day with out worrying about coming home and doing all the cleaning as well. I love seeing the different shades of green the english country side provides. I love how if you watch carefully you'll suddenly see spires of old stone stick out of the green as you wiz by old forts, ruins, and villages. Mostly however it is sheep and cows you see making black and white spots against the green.

When we reached weymouth it was a pictuesque view that greeted our eyes, opening to cobbled stone streets and spanish influenced stone housing. There was an old cathedral only a short distance from us, and the ding of a church bell was heard in the air. There was old among the new as well, as arcade as like mini casino's here and are tucked in among the old the buildings flashing their lights and tantalizing the tourists. Only one short street away you crest a small rise to see the boardwalk, and beautiful sandy beach. Off to the right it was almost a white sand and off to the left it tapered to a rock beach. We chose to go to the left as it was easier to get on the less sandy beach with a pram. We stopped at a small underground public toilet, which I found I prefered to the garishly covered smelly ones america. A lot of little things like this showed the discrete taste and eye for beauty that I've come to love about england.

After changing into swim suits we made our way along the boardwalk to a good place along the semi rocky beach and planted ourselves there for an hour enjoying the sunshine and letting our daughter play with the rocks. My husband is not one for getting into the water, so he just skipped rocks along the edge while natasha and I played in the waves. We didn't go in far as she's very small still, and the water is not that warm in early june.

Afterwards we decided to wander around the city and dry out some, and look for a place to eat. Many places we found were take away, or too expensive. The ones that were our price range were mostly pubs and not always child friendly as we unkindly found out in one pub. So, not letting it ruffle our feathers we headed towards the warf, and the river that man-made canal that opened into the ocean. This was a beatuiful sight as there was a sea festival going on and many brightly dressed people were promoting their fishing wares, and tourist boat trips. There were house boats on the river as well and I always love seeing these as they are usually pretty blue and red colors dotting the water. We crossed the draw bridge and finnally came to the perfect place to eat. It had a palasade facing the river and the smell of fresh water and sea salt wafted in the air, mingling with the smells of delicious food. We decided to sit out of the sunshine, and this was an obviously family friendly pub as it had many small children both in and outside.

After eating and plastering ourselves with sunblock we headed out again to browse the shops in the local shopping center and then head back towards the beach. On our way out I noticed my feet getting blisters and when we meandered over to the shops I popped in a shoe shop and bought a pair of black flip flops. I'm always a fan of having one good pair of flip flops for the summer season. Natasha was gettign really tired at this point and decided to nap, while alex and I chatted pleasently about waht to do next. We stopped in a few stores he wanted to go to, but by now it was almost 4 pm and we had to leave in an hour. I decided the beach was the best place to go back to and I let my husband loose to check out the arcades as I knew his little-boy insticts couldn't resist playing a few shoot-them-up games. I amused myself with an icecream cone and watched an old eenglish tradition dance from a festively colored group of older people. They had bells on their feet, and tamborines in hand. Their outfits reminded me of jesters in white and bright green. But the way they danced reminded me of leprechauns, since it was mostly older men with white beards dancing. I really enjoyed watching this, and close by was another old english tradition as well. We passed through the dancers and the crowd around them to see a mauve wooden puppet box that also looked like it had steped out of the victorian times. I could just imagine the women in large dresses, and men in top hats with their pretty children sitting and watching these puppets. Apparently this tradition has been around for more than a few hundred years.

After natasha woke up I have about 20 minutes until rendevouzing with my husband and was eager to spend one last time on the beach. I plowed through the fine sand, which wasnt easy and made shapes in the sand with natasha. We used little buckets and spades to play iwth and she was so adorable. I love her little red swim suit that makes her look like a strawberry.

At this point I was exhausted and met up with my husband with 10 minutes to spare to go home. We both got a drink and something for natasha to snack on the way home and then headed home, tired full, sunburnt, and very happy.

Teeth!

2007-05-30T08:21:00.000+01:00

So Natasha woke up yesterday morning screaming as usual, but what was unusual was the little white thing poking out of her gums.
And that hasn't been the only one since yesterday. She has 4 teeth coming through, it's a race to see if the bottom two come first or the top left one.
So far the top inscizer is winning!

I took Natasha to the park and swimming yesterday. She loves the pool, it's like a big bathtub to her. I got her a red bathing suit that is patterned like a strawberry. It's her favorite fruit, so why not make her look like one? It's very adorable on her as well. :)
I got her little floaties, and she was like a duck on water, she kicked her feet and I could even let go of her for a few seconds at a time and she'd swim towards me. I honestly think she has an aptitude for swimming :) But she would get it honestly, I love swimming too! We might go again today, it makes us both happy and Natasha gets a great distraction from her aching teeth.

I only got pictures of our time at the park, as there's no way I'm taking our camera to the pool, not only for the wet reason but it could easily get stolen! So here are the pictures I do have. (will update when I have more time today with the pictures.)

Up and Down and all around

2007-05-23T10:17:00.001+01:00

Yesterday alex and I had an argument, we finnally resolved it and took a walk that evening, but I was really sick physically yesterday and I think that instigated it. I was pleading for him not to go with his father because I didnt think I could take care of natasha none the less myself, I spent the rest of the evening puking into the toilet. It was not fun! Then I had a massive migraine because of the fight, and the puking and the heat (It's REALLY warm here right now..)

So I went and passed out at 800 after putting hte baby down. Poor Alex went and missed seeing his father just to watch me be grumpy and mad at him and then pass out. I was having a bit of a bad day. However the beautiful pictures we took don't show that! So here they are from the last few days: http://s183.photobucket.com/albums/x265/mistresslane/

Here are a few of my favorites!

I'm also going to talk to my midwife as well, because I think that whole argument could have been avoided if i wasnt so emotionally crazy right now. I feel like i'm all over the place, really easily crying for no reason, and then happy later on, and i think it's just all the extra pregnancy hormones. I forgot how much it actually got to me.

So I woke up today feeling really great, and I've already done most of my cleaning by 10 am. My stomach is only mildly queasy (instead of really sick like yesterday) and I've made plans to go on a walk with natasha and try and find a new nearby play group for her. She loved going out to those before my surgery and I just need to get back into the swing of things. Keeping my self distracted doesn't stop me from having sick bad days, but it makes the ok days into good ones :)

Lazy Day Off

2007-05-22T10:48:00.000+01:00

Alex has his day off work today, and after shopping yesterday I got a cheese selection pack and crackers and we have been "cheese tasting" today. It's a nice easy snack and its fun to do together, I'm learning new things about my husband and that's always enjoyable.

We have both been glued to the DS the last few days but i think it's finally tapered out to be balanced with real life things. Like Alex spending time with his father tonight, and our family going to the park this afternoon. I'm going to pack some lunches and a blanket and let the baby roam around since she's dying to walk everywhere.

I'll take some pictures too, it's such a lovely day outside!

Glen came over yesterday to take me shopping and I really enjoyed spending some time with her. I also got Alex some new t-shirts since he hates shopping for clothes himself. If i don't do it he'll wear anything, and some of his clothes are too small now, or filled with holes! I was getting embarrassed to go outside with him because we just were obviously not taking any grooming time for him. Though its funny how well he dresses for work, and how meticulous he is about his hair! LOL. Why can't he be the same way about his every day clothes? Oh well, I guess that's one of the reasons I like him. I like doing shopping for him anyway, I get him into polo's and clothes he wouldn't otherwise try. :)

I'm still working on getting him a pair of guys sandals. We'll see if he goes that far though.

Saturday Shopping Trip

2007-05-19T09:02:00.001+01:00

I think I need to apply to UTube so I can post my own home videos on here. I gave my mom and grandma this address so they should be able to keep up with what all is going on. Today were going to the different markets. Probably just the one in Trowbridge. I'm going to get new batteries for my camera so i can take new pictures :P My camera died when I was at the safari park and I wanted to film feeding the Sea lions. By the way I had a blast there :)

Everyone look for updated photos soon (when I get back and before I entertain missionaries tonight for dinner).

Alex has been drooling over this Nintendo DS. But we're not buying it from there, we're going to get it in trowbridge I think at the used game shop because it's so nice. It'll be like having my game boy again! I'm so happy..yay happy tetris memories..and pac man...and oh I just remember I loved using that on long trips. I love showing natasha how to use all the latest gadgets too. But for us we have to wait a year or two before we get teh new stuff (The NDS has been out for almost a year now..) We're also packing lunches to eat in trowbridge at the lovely park they have there and let our daughter play around. Alex is mostly getting the NDS for traveling as his manager has been working REALLY hard to get him a promotion this month. So keep praying everyone because we could really use the extra money. (we already have a pension, life insurance, stocks, and other things for our savings right now..we're really responsible with our money..) And alex has been saving his allowance for 3 months to go buy this NDS so i'm really happy for him. I'm going to save my 100 pounds a month to get grandma a ticket for when the baby comes out. Because if I start now I'll be able to afford it around my birthday time, the last time I bought a ticket for someone coming from the UK it cost me about 500 us dollars but that was a one way and usually 2 way are cheaper. So that would be roughly 300 pounds. But I want to save about 500 pounds so that we can have a bit of play money, and in case the plane flight is more expensive. After New Years is not a usual time to fly so I don't expect it to cost too much :) I'm really excited though!

A nice surprise

2007-05-19T05:35:00.000+01:00

I woke up at 5 am this morning to my husband doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom! They are so sparkly now, and in my exuberant mood my husband showed me this UTube clip. It's suprisingly addictive. I can't understand a word of it but I rather like it. I think you should give it a try too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP-X6_Xk5qI

A rambling Post

2007-05-17T08:23:00.000+01:00

Today I really am going to go to the zoo/fun park today! It's a beautiful sunny day and I've been praying it would be good enough to go out. I am so excited, and I've been hurrying to get all my housework done before we go at 10:30, I still have the kitchen dishes to tackle, the bathroom to scrub down, and hoovering. I'm leaving doing the hampster cage until my husband is home on Saturday. Although the smell is getting pretty atrocious.

Yesterday we had my father-in-law come around and he invited us up to his place for the weekend which I hope to do soon because it would be a weekend in Bristol! We had a lovely dinner with my father-in-law and he simply dotes on Natasha.

I am so happy today and I feel very accomplished with myself. I think I'll put Natasha down early for her nap so she gets up when we get ready to go (she can always go back to sleep in the car if need be) and I can get the housework done. I can't pull out the chemicals and do the bathroom until she is asleep anyway. She tries to drink the bottles if I don't watch her constantly. lol. She will put anything to her mouth acting like it's a sippy cup if it's round and in her reach.

On a side note for those interested in my artwork, you can visit here.
I've been exploring with my blog a bit more and understanding how to make links ect. Now all I need to do is stop being so addicted to writing here lol.

Here is another link to my Photos of myself and my family.

Picking up the train of thought

2007-05-16T15:41:00.000+01:00

When my mother left my dad she moved back to Ohio but she didn't immediately move in with my grandmother. We lived in many different apartments, and I have a clear memory of one of them.

I remember walking along with my mother and brother on a very sunny day. I must have been about 4 or 5 years old. I've only just recently remembered this and it's become very precious to me. We didn't get to spend a lot of time with my mother as a child since she was a single mother and was either working or going to school. With two young children that can be a very daunting task. At the time I was saring at my feet, as lots of little kids do, and I remember trying not to step on the cracks of the sidwalk we were walking on. In Ohio in the summer it is very beautiful with a lot of big maple trees and a lot of greenery. I remember watching the sunlight make patches on the ground. I don't remember much else after that until a bit later. Our family has just arrived at the apartment complex we lived at. I suppose it wasn't very big, but it seemed big to me. We lived at the very top and I remember how hard it was for my mother to walk up the stairs. I remember this mostly because that day, she fell down teh stairs two or three flights, I don't remmeber much else except that all of our bags we were carrying were on the ground with my mother at the bottom. After that I can't remember anything else, but I assume she was ok, I think she told me later she had a broken foot and wore a cast for a long time, but that for the most part she was ok.

The next memory I have is with one of the women who took care of us during the day. We were now older, around 6 or 7. We didn't live in the apartment anymore, but in a different city in living in half a house. We called it the Split House. This lady was around the age I am now. She was young and drove a bright yellow sports car. Those really long angular ones you always saw in the late 80's early 90's. She had a really nice smile and she always took us special places. She also gave me my first sticker book. I still have it. It was something she had collected as a young girl and I remember thumbing through all the stickers in there. Including ones with Micheal Jackson, and other pop singers from the 80's I didn't know about. I remember it had those wiggly eye stickers, and sniff and scratch stickers and I loved that sticker book. She also took us to her families place one time, and the same day we had icecream at a drive up dairy queen. We ate it on the way to see her family. I remember being scared when we got to the place because it had this old trailer in the front yard that was falling apart and had half of a matteress sitting out the front door. I remember going into the house and seeing an old lady. I guess we were there for a birthday because I remember a cake, and everything smelling of must and smoke. I also remmeber the whole place being rather dark and dingy inside. I didn't stay inside long and curiosity got the better of me and I went outside to investigate the old trailer. I remember it was a rusty blue color and my brother went with me. He found somehting to play in there by himself, and that was the time with I met that boy who tried to play "house" with me. All I remember after that is the look on the boys face when I said no and left.

That was around the same time my brother hurt himself badly on his left wrist. We lived in the split house I told you about, and we were often left to our own devices during the day, wandering about town just the two of us, things like that. My brother and I did everything together. The people who lived in the other side of the house were really nasty people, and their two kids were really mean to us. They were the same age but I guess we must have lived in a dodgy side of town because it seemed we ran into a lot of kids like that. They decided one time while we were out of the house and our mother wasnt around, to lock us out of our house. They were taunting us from the inside and my brother got so mad he punched his hand through the window to get in the back door. It worked only he had to have stitches after that. The next two memories I remember is in the same house. One was when I fell asleep in the bathtub, and floated there for maybe an hour and my mother broke down the door to get to me. lol. She never left me alone in the bathroom again after that. She thought i was dead, and I don't blame her worrying now that I have my own.

We always seemed to be getting into trouble, and My brother and I, so therefor those are the most relevent memories for me. Besides they were the most traumatizing too. It seemed that summer my brother couldn't stay out of trouble. Only a few short weeks after getting stitches for his left wrist he decided to try and open his plastic piggy bank with a serrated knife in the middle of the night. I didnt actually see it happen, but I have severe issues with knives since then, because I did see the wound, and the knife and all the blood. My mother rushed off with my brother to the hospital and I think I stayed with my grandma. My brother had over 100 stitches and he had to wear a cast on his right hand/wrist after that because he had severed nerves they had to recconnect. It was nasty business that. It only gets better too.

My mother decided that my brother was crying out for attention and we went on a family trip to http://www.hockinghillspark.com/Old%20Man's%20Cave.htm Old Man's Cave. Even though it was hard for my mom to walk around she took our family and my cousins there and we all had so much fun. My brother however decided to swim, even with a cast on, and fell in a hole in the water and I remember only seeing his arm stick out and my mother screaming at me to go out there and get him. Except by the time I got to him he was ok. lol. He has only slipped down. We were at this really pretty waterfall too. I really liked being there.

Now that I've got started I can't stop, I just keep remembering more. Funny how that works if you sit down and think about it.

My mother has always been a christian if not LDS. She took us to this barbeque at a nearby church building. It was a really small one. Presbyterian or something like that, and it had a lot of things for kids to play with, including a chained up dog that had been there for ages. It was a really bright sunny day that same summer, and my brother came along as usual, with one hand stitched and the other wearing a cast. We played with some of the other kids, my mother was wearing a beautiful white shirt that day and it looked great with her long dark hair. She didnt really wear her hair down often so it was nice to see. She had lovely thick dark hair and olive skin at this point in time. She also has green eyes. I was impressed, now that I think about it, at how brave she was to go out there despite how mean people can be about overweight people. And that she went out there alone too. Anyways back to the story. My brother and I were eating hotdogs at this barbeque, and I was coming over with another for my brother when I stopped and watched these older kids taunting the poor dog. My brother was off to the side, not really paying attention, and the whole world slowed down as I watched the dog get angrier and angrier. It kept barking at the older kids who were keeping a hotdog just out of it;s reach, and then it noticed my brother. This wasn't a small dog either, it was mix breed, and came up to my brothers chest at the time.

I watched horrified as the dog lunged at my brother when he had just put the hotdog in his mouth, taking the hotdog and my brothers face with it. For one second I was worried it had taken his eyeball with it. Then after that all I remmeber is seeing that beautiful white shirt of my mothers stained in bright red blood, and an abulance taking my mother and brother away.

After that our whole family moved in with my grandma. I think that was a wise choice. My brother was fine, and after about 5 hours of getting stitched up, for the third time this summer, he came home to our new house and did indeed have both of his eyeballs. Those are my first concrete memories as a child. Ironically even though I have an immense fear of knives now, I really dont have the same fear with dogs. My brother has a fear of both though, and I don't blame him!

Peaceful house and family

2007-05-15T12:28:00.000+01:00

After my depressing post I felt the need to post again and havnt done so until now. This morning was just perfect, even with crappy weather outside. Alex and I woke up together at 5 am. I wrote my blog until 6 and then came back to bed and cuddled my husband. It was lovely to spend some quiet time together alone before our daughter woke up. Al got up shortly after 7 and got ready for work as I got up took the baby out of bed and fed her breakfast. Al did his normal computer time until about 8 00, and I made some lunch for him and breakfast for myself. Natasha went donw for her nap early (8 45) and stayed asleep until noon! Apparently she needed it. I went back to sleep to catch up on my missed 2 hours earlier. And because of her long nap I was able to have one hour unninterrupted to myself including the naps. It made me so happy!
I was supposed to go to a fun park today but the weather didn't cooperate so i'm going to go on thursday and invite my husband. It will work out better that way :) He'll be glad he's able to come. So I think everything worked out for a reason! And boy am I glad I got my nap. Being pregnant is hard work sometimes. Oh, I forgot to mention I cleaned up the house too..but hey I'm constantly doing that in between everything else I do. The only thing I havnt done is fold the laundry and put away the clean dishes. I'm feeling a wonderful sense of accomplishment today.
edit: I forgot to mention the most important part! MY husband decided today would be the day we all start family prayers together in the morning anf I feel so peaceful now because of it! I think even with our weird church attendance the fact he wanted to do this made me so happy.

About myself: 53 random facts

2007-05-14T11:46:00.001+01:00

1. I don't have naturally red hair.
2. Everyone who meets me thinks I do, but it's just becuase the value is similar to my own only a different color.
3. I use words like value, hue, and shades as three very different meanings.
4. I'm a visual artist that actually uses the differences.
5. I'm Five feet 4 and a half inches.
6. In the uk I'm a size 14 and the US a size 12. I still havn't figure out the ratio difference because a size 0 in US is size 4 here..wouldnt that make me a 18 here?
7. I'm also a size five shoe in the UK. You work out the US version :)
8. I've been drawing since I could hold up a pencil, and for some reason I don't draw as often anymore.
9. I haven't seen my real father since I was 11 years old. I am now 21.
10. I am LDS, but semi-active at the moment.
11. I love peanut butter, but I miss the american kind.
12. I also love sausage, but I hate the english sausages.
13. I first introduced my husband to grits, and biscuits and gravy. No other english person will eat it now :( I think there's a taboo on scones being used with sausage and gravy lol.
14. I am obsessive about one thing about my appearance and that is my nails. I keep them long all the time and nicely filed. I have had many people ask if they are fake: and NO they are not.
15. I don't wear makeup to go outside, I only wear it on special occasions, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries ect.
16. I've been married for 2 years, 3 months and 7 days. I'm not converting the hours because of the time difference.
17. I'm a virgo and I love anything about astrology. There was even one time I got my horoscope done by an astrologist, and they didn't have anything to say bad about my future, instead saying that I was one of the few people they'd ever met with a big bright future. I attribute this to my religion and now religiously read my blessing instead. lol.
18. I am 2 months pregnant and I have a one yr 1 month old daughter.
19. My favorite LDS song is: Strength Beyond My Own- Tammy Simister Robinson
20. This is also followed by my favorite LDS CD: Doctrine and Covenants and Church History Video Sound Track.
21. I've never actually seen the movie. I just love the CD.
22. I went to college for one semester and got rather poor marks, and couldn;t stand being there. I hated the teachers, the teaching methods, and the fact it felt like a highschool rather than a college. It only had about 500 people total.
23. It was a snobby private art school. It doesn't help that I kept getting teamed up with a mormon turned anti-mormon and would take every oppertunity to slander me and everything I believed in.
24. I also still partially lived with my mother as she commuted to seattle from utah to work for 2 weeks then off 2 weeks.
25. *shudder* we even slept in the same bed.
26. Logically I married alex becuase I'm deeply in love with him, unlogically I needed to get as far away from my mother as possible. This worked. (i was a bit niaeve at the time and now do not actually need to be that far away from her..)
27.Our bishop ironically supported us, and gave us the sweetest blessing I've ever heard.
28. I sleep on my left side, on the left side of the bed, and can't stand sleeping facing my husband because i have a pet peve of having people breathing in my face. I don't know where that weird obsession came from- probably my first pregnancy.
29. I used to have sleep apnea and then I grew out of it.
30. I once had a sleeping disorder where I wasn't getting REM sleep. (this is the most important cycle of sleep) and was having reoccuring dreams of being killed, killing other people, and rape. This lasted for almost a year before I almost with crazy with depression from lack of sleep.
31. I got a blessing for it october of 2005 and I have never had a problem since. Apparently it had nothing to do with me and was completely unrelated to anything at all. That is the weirdest personal experience I've ever had.
32. I still think about the day my daughter was born, and how small and precious she was.
33. If I hadn't had someone break my water on the Tuesday she was born she would have been a c-section baby because she had such a round large head. She still does.
34. I have four female friends in England. My mother in law, Carol, Susanne, and Kate.
35. I am younger than all over them by at least 5 years.
36. I like to take a nap in the morning since I found out I was pregnant because I tend to get sick then, and if I sleep through it i'm more productive the rest of the day.
37. I have the ears of an elephant. I can hear a baby crying all the way down the street in someones house with the windows closed.
38. I'm not a busy-body though, I'm just senstive to noise. I cant listen to headphones becuase they give me a headache.
39. I've only ever been to one concert because afterwards I had ringing ears for over 2 weeks.
40. I hate loud noises but I love noisy cities- example Sanfrancisico.
41. That was the only time I ever wore headphones consitently, I wore them to sleep each night.
42. I prefer the countryside and quiet however.
43. My dream home will be a cottage in the english countryside with one or 2 horses.
44. If its too expensive to live in england we'll move to another country. We've already talked of this possibility.
45. I don't want to move back to america and given a choice I wouldn't.
46. I don't miss most things about america, but I sometimes miss seeing my family.
47. I am more patriotic to england than I ever was to America.
48. Most english thing I am canadian, which is half true. I am canadian, American, and English by law now. I hold passports for all three countries.
49. If I did move back to the North American continent it would be to Canada I think. Possibly Vancouver. They have wonderful art schools there.
50. I would prefer to raise my kids in England, and when they are older give them the option of moving to a different country, or at least visiting other countries.
51. All my kids are going to be dual american and UK citizens. If they wants canadian citizenship they'll have to claim through their grandparents. Which might not even matter if they are UK since Canada is still technically under the queen anyway.
52. I really want all my kids to have cute british accents. Is that vain?
53. I've mover over 20 times in my young life and I can't remmeber the actual total. I just know it's more than 20.

New Page Content

2007-05-14T11:42:00.000+01:00

I have just added a picture of my daughter Nat, in my heading, it's an oilpainting I did and modified in photoshop. I still might fiddle with it but so far I like it.

I'm also working on trying to make some lists and things. I find all of this very interesting and challenging.

Sunday Bust or Best?

2007-05-14T10:00:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was a weird day. The evening before church I prayed to truely understand how my husband felt when attending church so I could better relate to his situation. It's been a long time since I've sincerely prayed and I knew I would recieve an answer, just not in the form that I was given.

I woke up sunday morning, and after posting in my journal rallied our whole family together and left the door for church. When we got there my husband went to nursery to take our daughter since he didn't want to attend priesthood and I went to primary sunday school, since I teach there.

While I was there I sang along with the songs and sat on my own as I normally do. I only have two three-year-old boys in my class and they are constantly glued to this young girl who sub-teaches for them. Since i'm not a regular attendant and she has grown up in that ward they love her, and normally I feel a bit like a third wheel. I don't feel very comfortable with kids, and espcially not large groups of them. My own kids excluded.

So I was sitting here singing absentmindley and thinking about my husband. Worrying about him and stewing when I seemed to be overcome with emotion. Something about the fact no other adult had said hi to me since I entered the building, and the horrid fights my husband and I had been having, and the fact even my 3-year-old students didnt like me just seemed to overwhelm me. I promptly got up, where no even noticed anyway, and went off to a room that was empty and balled my eyes out. When I was finnally able to control my emotions I sat there for a moment wondering why I felt this way. I had my scriptures in my hand and felt peaceful afterwards. I realized I had had a rare insight on how my husband felt each and every time he comes to church, and felt a strong urge to go talk to him.

To make a long story short, we ended up leaving early, much to the relief of my husband (and myself at that point), and after coming home we talked at length about my experience, and he told me that it was the most accurate discription of how he felt that he'd ever heard. And he seemed really surprised I understood. I've never before felt inadequate at church. The last time I did was when I was a new convert (as my husband is now) and I didnt understand why everyone did everything, and I always seemed to go to church alone. But my feelings then could not compare to the empathy I had yesterday. In the end it seemed my prayers were answered, and the Bishop is going to come by and talk to us at length about how things are. I only hope my husband can open up about his fears and insecurities about going to church. He really just needs a friend. I can't be his only church friend. I'm not sure what else to do at this point but I keep going back to the scriptures. I know that seems like a weird answer I got but I am 100% sure it wasnt something I'd normally be overwhelmed with, even in my new pregnancy hormonal state.

The other reason I know it wasn't something like reoccuring depression in myself is because as soon as I talked it over with alex, at church, I felt the spirit of the Lord so strongly. And was confirmed that this was something to bring us closer together as a couple and to God. I slept better last night than I have in weeks and I think my husband is in a better mood too.

Sunday Schedules

2007-05-13T08:12:00.000+01:00

The last 2 months have been a bit hard for my husband and going to church. But we are going to church today, and after much prayer on my part I think Al is willing to give it his all. I hope he won't be disappointed. I'm mostly hoping he feel uplifted by the experience and feels the Holy Spirit while there. I want him to focus less on the other people and more on himself. We had a good chat about it last night, along with his insecurities and not understanding why he doesn't want to go. We'll see what happens. But I'm still going to pray and fast for him. He's on an internal struggle and he needs my help.

I'm trying to think of other ways to support him too. But I don't know if pushing him out the door to come to church is counter productive or not. Even though last night he agreed to go, he's now become wishey washy on the subject and won't get out of bed. I love my husband and I know he has faith in God but I think he just lacks necessary faith in himself. I wonder how else I can cheerlead him in his duties and blessings as a priesthood holder. He just doesn't know all the wonderful blessings our family receives, and peace in our home when we attend church together. And being able to partake of the sacrament is the reason I go because it's so personal and spiritual and it gives me that lift for the week and helps me overcome my weaknesses. I think I just have to be strong now. Al was strong when I was weak and now it's my turn to give back in love and kindness.

You see it's only been fairly recently that Al has found Christ in his life and after that burning fire that sustained him he's now required to rely on his faith, and if I don't read scriptures and pray with him I don't know if it ever gets done. I think I need to back off on trying to control his spiritual behavior and just be there for him when he needs me. It's not very christ-like to make him go to church or be any certain way- i was just doing it out of worry for him and his spiritual health. I don't know if he has thought about the continued spiritual health of himself or not. Maybe I could suggest that? Maybe I'm just thinking about this too much and God will work through me when he needs to hear what he needs to hear. I hope so because I'm only human and I don't always know what to say to help my husband. :(

My World of Warcraft Addiction

2007-05-12T19:47:00.000+01:00

Before kids, and but while I've been married, I had a WoW addiction. I admit it. I love WoW. Love it so much I had to get rid of it for the sake of my sanity. I absolutly refuse to play Any MMO's now. But that is by the by. I do however have a link to a very funny UTube clip about WoW. And anyone who has played WoW would appreciate it. It gave my husband and I a really good laugh. And really needed the smiles today.
Enjoy.
http://kotaku.com/gaming/notag/michael-jackson-does-world-of-warcraft-207366.php

Strengthening my friendships

2007-05-12T08:45:00.000+01:00

Even though I know no one reads these posts, I have tried to find other blogs to link to mine to gain inspiration from. I am not very good at reaching out to other people. I really want to be close to other people though and closeting myself away every day is not the answer. It is never to late to start being a friend, and even though distance has come between some of mine I will continue to try.

I have one lady who is close to my age, in her mid 20's with one 3 year old boy and one 7 month old daughter. She is a lovely lady. I see her every time I go to church or a church activity. Every time we have seen each other we promise to talk or call or get together and it's never happened. So I'm going to reach out to her today and hopefully she will want to do something with me. I don't think it was just politeness that keeps her talking to me each sunday, but I do think we just havnt crossed that akward bridge of aquaintance to friendship. Which sometimes can seem more big than it actually is.

Another relationship I'm working on is the lady who will be called Carol in here. She is a lovely woman in her late 30's early 40's. She has 3 girls ages 14 to 10. Although her 14 year old looks like she is 18, its quite scary lol. Anyways, we are going to a nearby animal fun park. I think they even have a petting zoo which will be lovely for my little girl, who is just finding her feet. I hope the sunshine holds out as well.

The two other relationships that give me most stress is my Mum and Mum-in-law. My mum lives in America and to be honest the distance between us makes our relationship better I think. We have a date for sunday afternoon to webcam and voicechat. So she can see her grand daughter for the first time in over a year. It's the best I can do with out seeing her in person, which isn't possible at this time. The other Mum in my life lives across the town from us, we stayed with her until 2 months ago when we finnally started renting a place of our own. We're becoming closer now that we don't live together and we have many common interests, including art. She is a wonderful artist.

The last relationships I strive the hardest on are of course my wonderful husband Al, and my daughter Nat. It's easy with Nat right now, I know what cries mean what, and what she wants from me most days. My husband is always more complicated but I do my best to honor love and support him behind the scenes. I take great pride in making the house a spiritual refuge for him. I also love talking ot him about everything and learning new things with him.

Just the other day I bought him a DIY book so that we can learn how to do up a few things around the house together. He usually ends up doing most the manual labor, he loves going over his ideas with me and talking endlessly about what he wants to do and buy and make. It makes me so happy to see him happy, and normally I'm not even a DIY person. Although the technical part of it is really interesting to me. This is just one side of our relationship i'm trying to make more harmonious. I'm trying to get him more involved with Nat and myself, so we all play together more and laugh together more. I also love going on day trips with him. The last few days have been a wonderful experience with my husband as we talk about our unborn child and our plans for the future. He has opened up a lot about whats going on at work and has been very honest with me. I don't have all the answers to make relationships work, I only know what works with myself and my husband. I constantly pray for guidance and reevaluate how I treat my husband and when I try more I see the effort he puts forth in response. He is very intuitive to what I need if I only give him the space to try.

So my plans for today are to follow my list a bit, and get the house hoovered today as it hasn't been done in almost 3 days, which is horrid when you have a one year old dragging who knows what everywhere. :) Hopefully Al and I will go on a day trip to a bigger city than our little town. Thanks for reading.

My First Blog

2007-05-11T21:04:00.000+01:00

Well this is interesting.

I have had a Live Journal, a Dead Journal, and even an online diary, but I would never have called them a Blog. This therefor, is my first blog journal. Or maybe just Blog?

In any case an introduction is needed. I am a 21 year old American who lives in England. I have a loving, caring husband, who goes by the name of Al on here and a beautiful little girl who goes by the name of Nat on here. My husband is a little younger than me, he just turned 20 this year, and I will be 22 in septemeber. Our daughter is 1 year 1 month old and so adorably cute. She has curly blonde hair and strikingly blue eyes.

At the moment however she is really sick so she's a little less adorable and cute as I've had to listen to her screams since early this morning. No matter what I did she wouldn't stop crying. That was until Daddy came home. Then the world turned 180*. Ah well, she plays favorites, what can I say? It's not as if I negelect her. Indeed most of my day is spent in constructive play. We clean together, and sing together, and I read to her as often as I can. She loves to sit on my lap while I read to her and point at the pictures saying: "Da".

What did I tell you? Daddy's girl.

Anyways, she will be really loving me in 8 months when our second child comes along. Even if she is a bit unsuspecting, my husband isn't and we both are extremely excited for another addition to the family. Having a little child is exhausting but the most rewarding thing at the same time, and I want many many more children. I know that seems like a crazy idea in this day and age, especially in the UK, but it's true! I really do want a whole house full of children! The great thing is my husband shares my enthusiasm for this, even if he doesn't always know the hard work that goes into a day with Nat. Which is fine because he does occasionally get reminders when I have to leave town (to visit family) or there was recently a time I was in the hospital for a week. That left my husband to care for our daughter all by himself. It was remarkable how caring and considerate he was to me after wards. Unfortunatly I think he's forgotten.

No to be honest I have not much to whinge about concerning my husband as he is a kind and thoughtful man. Most days he is hard at work for our family, and when he comes home he gives his all to Nat and me. Then he passes out and thats ok since right now he's sick too. :( Which makes me sad. Dealing with a sick family isn't fun! Especially when I wake up to morning sickness...(and go to bed throwing up as well...) But that is all by the by. This is my first post and this me. I love my family. I love God. And I am happy for my role as mother and wife. I look forward to many more blogs. And maybe if I'm lucky, a few friends too.