If anyone is interested I have started a live journal blog specifically about Natasha. Where this one is just the general on-goings of my family, the Natasha Journal is all about Natasha. It is under friends only and requires you to sign up with Livejournal to view it. And let me know you signed up so I can add you. I'm addressing this mostly to my Mother and Grandma as I think they will be interested in this. Due to the personal nature of journal it won't be accessible to the general public. It has dates/names and places I'd rather not disclose online.
Anyways, Each entry is done by month, and has a bunch of pictures from that month, starting from her birth until now. Please LEAVE ME A MESSAGE HERE or contact me via email/phone so I can help you get on live journal and see her own journal. I'm finnally organizing all those baby pictures. Go me.
I want to finish this project before the new child comes so I can have two seperate journals for each child and they will know when they get older what it was like for them as babies. I find this an important task for me to do, just as much as geneology, and I'm very excited for it to be close to completed/up to date.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
Blogging, Ranting and Friendships
I started this blog with the intent of keeping my family and friends on the other side of the pond in touch with me since it would be more accessible than the live journal one, it's also easier to post pictures for everyone to view.
Unfortunatly I've really started to hate blogging. Maybe it's because it doesn't seem to matter. The people I want to touch don't comment, and I'm not even sure if they read it, and the people I do want to get to know better are impossible to know through blogs.
So I'm venting here, it seems appropriate since it's about blogger to vent here. I'm tired of making superficial friends through blogs (not just this one specifically) and of generally being unable to connect with others. I've also been having this problem on the hoem front and many of my old friends have been trying to get in contact with me, to only feel like they don't want to be my friend, just to have what they always had: an ear to listen to.
I at least have Liz and Carol and I'm really grateful for them. I hope to continue to cultivate friendships with them, but it's really frustrating trying to expand having friends. Even people who call me from church are only interested in either information or help. I hope I odn't come across that way myself.
Anyways, Carol is coming over this week to help me out a bit with some housework stuff since I've been really sick. Although by Thursday I could be back to work and fine and normal :) (fingers crossed anyway) And today I see Liz, which will be great she's such a good friend of mine. I think I'll make her a card today to tell her thanks.
I'm just generally feeling pessimistic about the friends front online and needing to find that fufillment elsewhere is hard when I have one child and another on the way. It will be good to move to trowbridge because there's no playgroups where I live that are free and I can't afford to go to ones you have to pay. It would be lovely to meet some other women who have similiar intersts as me.
Unfortunatly I've really started to hate blogging. Maybe it's because it doesn't seem to matter. The people I want to touch don't comment, and I'm not even sure if they read it, and the people I do want to get to know better are impossible to know through blogs.
So I'm venting here, it seems appropriate since it's about blogger to vent here. I'm tired of making superficial friends through blogs (not just this one specifically) and of generally being unable to connect with others. I've also been having this problem on the hoem front and many of my old friends have been trying to get in contact with me, to only feel like they don't want to be my friend, just to have what they always had: an ear to listen to.
I at least have Liz and Carol and I'm really grateful for them. I hope to continue to cultivate friendships with them, but it's really frustrating trying to expand having friends. Even people who call me from church are only interested in either information or help. I hope I odn't come across that way myself.
Anyways, Carol is coming over this week to help me out a bit with some housework stuff since I've been really sick. Although by Thursday I could be back to work and fine and normal :) (fingers crossed anyway) And today I see Liz, which will be great she's such a good friend of mine. I think I'll make her a card today to tell her thanks.
I'm just generally feeling pessimistic about the friends front online and needing to find that fufillment elsewhere is hard when I have one child and another on the way. It will be good to move to trowbridge because there's no playgroups where I live that are free and I can't afford to go to ones you have to pay. It would be lovely to meet some other women who have similiar intersts as me.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Hopeful Encounters
Have you ever had a premonition that something really great is going to happen to you soon? I am having that feeling like something is going to happen to change my world in the next few days. Maybe it's because life has been so on the edge for me latly, or maybe I'm just strange but I can't shake the feeling that each time I pick up the phone, or look over my shoulder something amazing is going to transpire.
I've had these premonitions before, but not usually about good things, usually it's right before something terrible happens. But I've started having the weirdest dreams concerning this one, to being reuinted with family that I have here in England, to finding an amazing art job. I'm just holding my breath at this point and I can't stop smiling.
Even the fickle english weather is in agreement with me today: It's going to be a gorgeous day!
I've had these premonitions before, but not usually about good things, usually it's right before something terrible happens. But I've started having the weirdest dreams concerning this one, to being reuinted with family that I have here in England, to finding an amazing art job. I'm just holding my breath at this point and I can't stop smiling.
Even the fickle english weather is in agreement with me today: It's going to be a gorgeous day!
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
A Long Silence Explained
So everyone, I have not been around on my blog simply because, for the second time this year, I was admitted to the hospital via ambulance. This time my stay was 5 torturous days away from my beloved family.
The cause: Blood clots in my left leg and lungs.
Thursday night I was up all night with a very sick daughter, and having difficulty breathing myself, I assumed I was also coming down with this chest infection and decided that seeing the doctor the next day would be the best plan of action. Little did I know that my symptoms and my families illness were very different things.
How does one know they have a blood clot you ask? Easy, You don't until it's rather serious. In my case it was having a leg that was constantly cramping, and tender and swolen, along with inablity to breath properly somewhat similar to asthma, or a severe asthma attack only it just keeps going on and on. There can also be a dry cough along with this and just a general feeling of unwell.
This all seemed rather vague to me at the time too.
But after taking my blood pressure and getting a high reading of 78 over 45 I realized that something a bit more serious was going on. I've NEVER seen my blood pressure that low before, and it does run low in me already. I also had a very low amount of oxygen in my blood stream and was put on a breathing machine, and my white blood cell count was unusually high.
All that doesn't mean a whole lot to me except that doing anything normal felt like I was running a marathon. The first few days I was admitted it was so bad the nurses wouldnt even allow me to go to the bathroom 15 feet away, they brought one to me, which is never a pleasant experiance! LOL.
So I went into an x-ray test of my lungs the 2nd day I was there, and they confirmed it WASNT anything to do with pneumonia, chest infection, leaking lungs, ect ect. and just made them more suspicious of clots. The next day was followed by a chest Scan, which is different in an x-ray in that it's more dangerous for me and the baby, and they were looking at my blood vessils not the organs. They inject you with a dye into your blood stream which makes you have a hot flush all the way from your head to your toes and last about a minute and a half, and then they put in you this big Tube that looked like a blue metalic, large, Krispy Kreme. This test came back with no diagnostic at all meaning they just didn't get a clear enough scan to see anything and they weren't going to risk putting me under that much radiation again. It's scary enough thinking I might not be able to breast feed because of this as it is.
Anyways, after this I was getting frustrated and couldn't see when my time here would end. If they'd just find Proof of blood clots they could send me home with the medication they were already giving me (Clexane) and I would be ok. Of course I didn't realize how weak I actually was until I came home last night and walking from the car to my bed was exhausting. In any case I was just pining for my family and normality and to have this illness leave me.
Some people never get sick, and never have anything wrong with them health wise, and then other people, myself included, can't seem to stay out of the hospital. It's rather annoying actually. Maybe I just have a lot to learn spiritually from all this illness in myself? It's not like I treat my body badly, I'm very healthy and concious of my body and what it needs. Which is why I was able to getthis fixed before it killed me, because it does kill many young mothers who are pregnant and don't recognize the symptoms. That's what my doctor told me anyway (how's that for reassurance?).
So, Day 4 I am really getting fed up with hospital food and have been moved from two different units to a respitory unit with 5 other women in my room. Two of them have pneumonia and I'm just praying I can't catch it because I know me and my body and it would have a laugh having blood clots and then getting sick because I was around other illnesses. I also found out that I was getting an ultrasound done on my left leg to find any blood clots. By now I've been on Clexane, an inject based blood thinner, for 4 days and it has made me feel a billion times better. I'm weak but I can at least breath with out oxygen anymore. The scan showed I had a blood clot in my left calf, so, with all that reasoning and the way I came in so ill, they decided to pin me down as having had blood clots in my lungs as well and with my proof I pushed to go home.
You see, even if you get sick, real life goes on with out you. I was not only missing the precious words and Sentences my daughter had started babbling with out me, but my husband had to get back to work so he could get his precoursework done before his business training trip on the 8th of October. (whew that was a run-on, mouthful sentence!) I was dreading the state of the house in my husbands care for five days, and I just didn't want to be stuck in a bed any longer! so I did everything in my powere to show them I was ok, to stop taking paracetamol, (which was for the chest pain that's mostly gone away) to actually walking that 15 feet to the bathroom. I also made an effort to take off those dreaded open backed dressing gowns in favor of normal clothes. I was not going to stay for 2 or 3 more days while the doctors tried to "decided" if I had any clots in my lungs or not. I had one in my leg and that was proof enough for me. The medication that would cure the one in my leg would do the same for the one or more in my lungs. (if there are any at all there- which by the way was never found out!)
So to make a long story short, I got bumped up from having a midwife to having an obtrician for my pregnancy and I will most likely be induced for this pregnancy because of the blood thinners I'm taking. I'm at more of a high risk now that I've had blood clots and they want to time when I haev the baby so I'm not still on the medication, which is useful when giving birth requires a lot of blood letting anyway.
Also, they don't want to stop it too soon because I could reform other blood clots in that time between stopping and having the baby which is also very risking when birthing a child. So, I don;t think I'll be getting my dream of a home birth at this rate.
But I take solace in the fact the Holy Ghost prompted me to see a doctor and I was so quickly diagnosed and taken care of. I am grateful my health is returned to me (mostly) and that I am back home where I belong with my beloved family. Heavenly Father has seen fit to be so merciful at this time to our family and I am so incredibly grateful to him and the gospel for giving my family and my self peace on this matter and keeping the daughter in my womb healthy as well.
The cause: Blood clots in my left leg and lungs.
Thursday night I was up all night with a very sick daughter, and having difficulty breathing myself, I assumed I was also coming down with this chest infection and decided that seeing the doctor the next day would be the best plan of action. Little did I know that my symptoms and my families illness were very different things.
How does one know they have a blood clot you ask? Easy, You don't until it's rather serious. In my case it was having a leg that was constantly cramping, and tender and swolen, along with inablity to breath properly somewhat similar to asthma, or a severe asthma attack only it just keeps going on and on. There can also be a dry cough along with this and just a general feeling of unwell.
This all seemed rather vague to me at the time too.
But after taking my blood pressure and getting a high reading of 78 over 45 I realized that something a bit more serious was going on. I've NEVER seen my blood pressure that low before, and it does run low in me already. I also had a very low amount of oxygen in my blood stream and was put on a breathing machine, and my white blood cell count was unusually high.
All that doesn't mean a whole lot to me except that doing anything normal felt like I was running a marathon. The first few days I was admitted it was so bad the nurses wouldnt even allow me to go to the bathroom 15 feet away, they brought one to me, which is never a pleasant experiance! LOL.
So I went into an x-ray test of my lungs the 2nd day I was there, and they confirmed it WASNT anything to do with pneumonia, chest infection, leaking lungs, ect ect. and just made them more suspicious of clots. The next day was followed by a chest Scan, which is different in an x-ray in that it's more dangerous for me and the baby, and they were looking at my blood vessils not the organs. They inject you with a dye into your blood stream which makes you have a hot flush all the way from your head to your toes and last about a minute and a half, and then they put in you this big Tube that looked like a blue metalic, large, Krispy Kreme. This test came back with no diagnostic at all meaning they just didn't get a clear enough scan to see anything and they weren't going to risk putting me under that much radiation again. It's scary enough thinking I might not be able to breast feed because of this as it is.
Anyways, after this I was getting frustrated and couldn't see when my time here would end. If they'd just find Proof of blood clots they could send me home with the medication they were already giving me (Clexane) and I would be ok. Of course I didn't realize how weak I actually was until I came home last night and walking from the car to my bed was exhausting. In any case I was just pining for my family and normality and to have this illness leave me.
Some people never get sick, and never have anything wrong with them health wise, and then other people, myself included, can't seem to stay out of the hospital. It's rather annoying actually. Maybe I just have a lot to learn spiritually from all this illness in myself? It's not like I treat my body badly, I'm very healthy and concious of my body and what it needs. Which is why I was able to getthis fixed before it killed me, because it does kill many young mothers who are pregnant and don't recognize the symptoms. That's what my doctor told me anyway (how's that for reassurance?).
So, Day 4 I am really getting fed up with hospital food and have been moved from two different units to a respitory unit with 5 other women in my room. Two of them have pneumonia and I'm just praying I can't catch it because I know me and my body and it would have a laugh having blood clots and then getting sick because I was around other illnesses. I also found out that I was getting an ultrasound done on my left leg to find any blood clots. By now I've been on Clexane, an inject based blood thinner, for 4 days and it has made me feel a billion times better. I'm weak but I can at least breath with out oxygen anymore. The scan showed I had a blood clot in my left calf, so, with all that reasoning and the way I came in so ill, they decided to pin me down as having had blood clots in my lungs as well and with my proof I pushed to go home.
You see, even if you get sick, real life goes on with out you. I was not only missing the precious words and Sentences my daughter had started babbling with out me, but my husband had to get back to work so he could get his precoursework done before his business training trip on the 8th of October. (whew that was a run-on, mouthful sentence!) I was dreading the state of the house in my husbands care for five days, and I just didn't want to be stuck in a bed any longer! so I did everything in my powere to show them I was ok, to stop taking paracetamol, (which was for the chest pain that's mostly gone away) to actually walking that 15 feet to the bathroom. I also made an effort to take off those dreaded open backed dressing gowns in favor of normal clothes. I was not going to stay for 2 or 3 more days while the doctors tried to "decided" if I had any clots in my lungs or not. I had one in my leg and that was proof enough for me. The medication that would cure the one in my leg would do the same for the one or more in my lungs. (if there are any at all there- which by the way was never found out!)
So to make a long story short, I got bumped up from having a midwife to having an obtrician for my pregnancy and I will most likely be induced for this pregnancy because of the blood thinners I'm taking. I'm at more of a high risk now that I've had blood clots and they want to time when I haev the baby so I'm not still on the medication, which is useful when giving birth requires a lot of blood letting anyway.
Also, they don't want to stop it too soon because I could reform other blood clots in that time between stopping and having the baby which is also very risking when birthing a child. So, I don;t think I'll be getting my dream of a home birth at this rate.
But I take solace in the fact the Holy Ghost prompted me to see a doctor and I was so quickly diagnosed and taken care of. I am grateful my health is returned to me (mostly) and that I am back home where I belong with my beloved family. Heavenly Father has seen fit to be so merciful at this time to our family and I am so incredibly grateful to him and the gospel for giving my family and my self peace on this matter and keeping the daughter in my womb healthy as well.
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