Sunday Bust or Best?

Yesterday was a weird day. The evening before church I prayed to truely understand how my husband felt when attending church so I could better relate to his situation. It's been a long time since I've sincerely prayed and I knew I would recieve an answer, just not in the form that I was given.

I woke up sunday morning, and after posting in my journal rallied our whole family together and left the door for church. When we got there my husband went to nursery to take our daughter since he didn't want to attend priesthood and I went to primary sunday school, since I teach there.

While I was there I sang along with the songs and sat on my own as I normally do. I only have two three-year-old boys in my class and they are constantly glued to this young girl who sub-teaches for them. Since i'm not a regular attendant and she has grown up in that ward they love her, and normally I feel a bit like a third wheel. I don't feel very comfortable with kids, and espcially not large groups of them. My own kids excluded.

So I was sitting here singing absentmindley and thinking about my husband. Worrying about him and stewing when I seemed to be overcome with emotion. Something about the fact no other adult had said hi to me since I entered the building, and the horrid fights my husband and I had been having, and the fact even my 3-year-old students didnt like me just seemed to overwhelm me. I promptly got up, where no even noticed anyway, and went off to a room that was empty and balled my eyes out. When I was finnally able to control my emotions I sat there for a moment wondering why I felt this way. I had my scriptures in my hand and felt peaceful afterwards. I realized I had had a rare insight on how my husband felt each and every time he comes to church, and felt a strong urge to go talk to him.

To make a long story short, we ended up leaving early, much to the relief of my husband (and myself at that point), and after coming home we talked at length about my experience, and he told me that it was the most accurate discription of how he felt that he'd ever heard. And he seemed really surprised I understood. I've never before felt inadequate at church. The last time I did was when I was a new convert (as my husband is now) and I didnt understand why everyone did everything, and I always seemed to go to church alone. But my feelings then could not compare to the empathy I had yesterday. In the end it seemed my prayers were answered, and the Bishop is going to come by and talk to us at length about how things are. I only hope my husband can open up about his fears and insecurities about going to church. He really just needs a friend. I can't be his only church friend. I'm not sure what else to do at this point but I keep going back to the scriptures. I know that seems like a weird answer I got but I am 100% sure it wasnt something I'd normally be overwhelmed with, even in my new pregnancy hormonal state.

The other reason I know it wasn't something like reoccuring depression in myself is because as soon as I talked it over with alex, at church, I felt the spirit of the Lord so strongly. And was confirmed that this was something to bring us closer together as a couple and to God. I slept better last night than I have in weeks and I think my husband is in a better mood too.